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Day five of total seclusion. As I walk back and forth inside of a dimly lit corridor I find myself entirely perplexed in a self-perpetuating nightmare which never seems to end. I often ask myself how does this absurd scenario always come to be. Is it my vanity? My narcissism? My inability to make or forge meaningful relationships due to having an oblivious nature? Not because of ignorance but because of a lack of experiential light in specific areas of my life? No matter how intensely I reflect upon and focus on possible solutions or alternatives to my narrative I remain flabbergasted. It has become like a sick game of empty valiance. However I will say that in some way it has offered up a certain measure of fulfillment. The silence is now a comfortable yet unhealthy reminder of the state of my personal affairs. The burden of isolation that I carry so often on my shoulders is an immediate threat to my mental clarity. For how long can I continue on in this manner without losing all sense of reality? These countless questions are only made more complex by the harrowing ordeal of this captivating captivity. To escape the consistent suffering I fall deeply back into furthest reaches of my mind to entertain myself. I reenact past moments as if they were my today, my present. - End Log - To be continued...
