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So in any normal circumstance I'd never post anything here, but I figured I might give it a try.
Actually, I was a frequent blogger years and years ago back during my undergraduate days (wow, I'm starting to feel old just thinking about it. And I just barely graduated a year ago as of Dec 13th here in 2 days). BUT, looking back on it; I see how immature I was back then. And as I've gotten a bit older, posts are fewer and far between; unless it seems important or something of relevance.
Now on with the post...
Abandonment? Meaning (as defined by Merriam-Webster) "given up."
A lot of things can come to mind when you think "abandoned" (or any form of the word). Myself? It unfortunately brings back a lot of painful memories. Memories I never thought I'd ever remember. Not until 2 nights ago...
I was on the phone with one of my best friends in Shreveport and while I was speaking, I happened to mention a few things on my mind. In particular, my string of horrible luck in relationships...
Often everything goes great for about the 1st month, but towards the 2nd month; something tends to happen that I get pushed away and tossed aside and left, as if nothing ever happened. Abandoned in a sense...
Here's a side note that'll tie all of this together. I (myself) have been adopted for a VERY VERY long time at a very young age. 6 weeks to be exact. I know nothing of my biological mother, barely even a name and age. No other information is known. I've never met her; have had zero contact. Literally... Nothing.
I have lived with a very stable family; which I am eternally grateful for. Don't get me wrong, I have my tiffs and arguments with my parents frequently (another story for another day); but I love them to death, no matter how much they can piss me off at times.
It wasn't till talking to my friend Kat that I had a epiphany and felt like my "real" mother abandoned me. And in recent years, a majority of my romantic relationships/love interests; EVEN friendships have been going the same way over the last 4-5 years. Happened ever since I've moved to Louisiana, though its been more significant since 2005.
I'm not sure, but sometimes I feel like I make comparisons to what my mother did to me all those years ago. Well, it isn't till I start getting pure silence that I start feeling that way. Often I feel like "Did I do something wrong?" "What's wrong with me?", and so on...
By no means do I intentionally try to make the comparison, but I suppose that something indirectly inside of me triggers that feeling of "abandonment" that happened nearly 25 years ago. I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings by that, or push them away; but it just... happens sometimes without me even realizing. And I don't know what to do, or think of the whole thing. Or how to really tell anyone without scaring them.
Any thoughts/comments are more than welcome. Though I do ask to keep the criticism "constructive" in nature and NOT "destructive." I really do want to get some thoughts as to what others would make of the situation.
Thanks for reading
