Deep down inside of me, the little girl remembers,
afraid to make a mistake, afraid to speak out loud
The feelings that swirled through a confusion of cloudy painful reality.
I thought those fears far behind me and yet,
the memories come. I can refuse all that I am
yet the feelings do not lie, I am still
that girl, remembering, though I deny.
I want so badly to live in a perfect reality filled with love, understanding, and peace.
But that reality only exists in the elements
of my mind, this plane is where I must live.
I am no longer a little girl, I breathe
as silently as possible, offer impossible platitudes. Give as much of myself as I can,
yet it seems that it is not enough.
I walk softly on tipotoes as invisible as I can.
Jump to please, do as bidden, giving large berth
to my invisible problem, lest it turn into a bigger mess than I think I have created.
One day hoping for a true and gentle affection
From the heart of one I love, and until then
I will just keep quiet and survive my confusion
As I did when I was young.
