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should i stay or go??

OK so this is just simply a question for myself
my brother is in the navy and he has received his new orders.. he will be moving to Connecticut by December 11th of this year.. he wants me to move with him.. if i do i would be there for at least 4 years if not longer.. i would be getting away from our controlling mother.. but if i decided to move back to Minnesota then i would have to make my daughter go through what i went through as a child.. leaving all of your friends behind.. but all of our family except for my brother lives in Minnesota or Nebraska.. so i am some what torn on what to do.. i think it would be a great opportunity for me and my family (my fiance, my daughter and i) to move.. but at the same time i would have to leave all of my friends and family.. which would be really hard.. so i don't know what to do.. should i stay or should i go??

today... ehhh

ahhh... so all i want to do is scream now... so i had physical therapy this morning... and my therapist told me that because it was so close inbetween pregnancies that more than likely my muscles didnt have time to fully heal... so basically i kind of did this to myself... but kind of not... so she showed me a bunch of different things to help strenghten my hip muscles and to also releave the pain and inflamtion... then on top of that i found out that i have a lot of tension in my upper to middle back... mainly because my milk is drying up.... so that was just another thing i wanted to hear... NOT! so then everything was fine and then my dad started to say how bla bla bla and how he "knows" everything... god i hate him right now... anyways i went to my doctor appt at 1 and found out that there is one of two things wrong with my wrist... either a its broken and healed funny so they might haveta rebreak it or do surgery to fix it... or it could just be a cyst... which didnt sound like what it could be... so i just pretended that it could be that so i could find out what else could be done... well if it is a cyst then they have like 3 options... and one of them is to leave it... another is to put a cast on and leave the cast on for at least 4 weeks... and the last option is to stick it with a needle and drain it... and then recovery time for that is anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks... and theres no for sure way to get rid of it... it could come back it could not... so then when i got home i told my mom about it and we looked online about it and this is what we found... Ganglion cysts arise from the capsule of a joint or the sheath of a tendon. They can be found at different places on the wrist. A ganglion cyst that grows on the top of the wrist is called a dorsal ganglion. Others are found on the underside of the wrist between the thumb and your pulse point, at the end joint of a finger, or at the base of a finger. Most of the time, these are harmless and will often disappear in time. Cause A ganglion cyst contains a thick, clear, mucus-like fluid similar to the fluid found in the joint. No one knows what triggers the formation of a ganglion. Women are more likely to be affected than men. Ganglia are common among gymnasts, who repeatedly apply stress to the wrist. Top of page Symptoms Wrist ganglion.Because the fluid-filled sac puts pressure on the nerves that pass through the joint, some ganglion cysts may be painful. Large ganglia, even if they are not painful, are unattractive. Smaller ganglions that remain hidden under the skin (occult ganglions) may be quite painful. A ganglion grows out of a joint, like a balloon on a stalk. It rises out of the connective tissues between bones and muscles. Inside the balloon is a thick, slippery fluid similar to the fluid in your joints. Usually, the more active the wrist, the larger the cyst becomes. With rest, the lump generally decreases in size. Top of page Diagnosis Your doctor may ask you how long you have had the ganglion, whether it changes in size, and whether it is painful. Pressure may be applied to identify any tenderness. A penlight may be held up to the cyst to see whether light shines through. X-rays may be taken to rule out other conditions, such as arthritis or a bone tumor. Sometimes, an MRI or ultrasound is needed to find a ganglion cyst that is not visible. Top of page Treatment Initial treatment is not surgical. Observation. Because the ganglion is not cancerous and may disappear in time, just waiting and watching may be enough to make sure that no unusual changes occur. Immobilization. Activity often causes the ganglion to increase in size. This is because activity increases pressure on nerves, causing pain. A wrist brace or splint may relieve symptoms, letting the ganglion decrease in size. As pain decreases, your doctor may prescribe exercises to strengthen the wrist and improve range of motion. Aspiration. If the ganglion causes a great deal of pain or severely limits activities, the fluid may be drained from it. This procedure is called "aspiration." The area around the ganglion cyst is numbed and the cyst is punctured with a needle so that the fluid drains away. Nonsurgical treatment leaves the outer shell and the stalk of the ganglion intact, so it may reform and reappear. The ganglion cyst can be removed through outpatient surgery, but this is no guarantee that the cyst will not grow again. Surgery may also include removing part of the involved joint capsule or tendon sheath. There may be some tenderness, discomfort, and swelling after surgery. Normal activities usually may be resumed two to six weeks after surgery. so yea... then after that hayven woke up and obviously was in pain... turns out she is getting her two year molars... and she is only 18 months!!! but yea... now im just waiting to hear from tony... when i went and saw him yesterday... he didnt actually think i was going to come see him... so me and him talked and everything and then the guy in the room next to us... his parents came and his dad (from what tony said) was checking me out... lol... then i left because i had to get home and when i got out to my car the person who parked next to me had left their car door open... and they were no where to be found... it was really weird... but yea... im going to go change miss stinky pants hayven! so ill write more later... byez

another one... lol

okie... so as many of you know i had my daughter on wednesday of last week... as lets just say that after i had her my hip pains that i had been having got worse! so i went back in on friday when the family was taking kaelyn home and talked to a nurse... they asked me to come back in so that they could examine me... well when we got home hayven started like barking when she coughed... so we took her in and found out she isnt covered by ma anymore... when she should be!!! so thats total bullshit... then i went and saw the nurse again and she told me that it could just be inflamition from the pregnancy and that things should get better... so she put me on an anti inflamitory med and a sleeping med because the pain gets really bad and then i cant sleep... then she told me that i need to set up an appt with physical therapy so that the inflamition does go down and what not... she also said i should get this belt that pregnant women wear when their backs hurt... but we couldnt find one when we went to target... and then when i went to pick up my perscriptions they werent the right ones... so i had to call and get that fixed... then they never called me to tell me if they had been filled or not... so then to top all of this off... tony got arrested on thursday while he was at work... i guess there was an outstanding warrant for him and someone gave the cops a tip that he worked at casey's... so they took him from work and took him to the jail here in rochester... then friday morning at like 6am they drove him to goodhue county jail... and yea... it turns out that because he got a speeding ticket in feb that ment he wasnt law abiding... so he gets arrested for it... and so he should have seen the judge today... but when he talked to his public defender he told him he doesnt get to see the judge for another fucking 2 weeks!!! what the fuck!!! then on top of that he has 6 months left of his probabtion... and they want to keep him in for the remander of the time hes on probabtion... which is total bull shit! and it wouldnt suprise me if his dad or his sister called on him... because his family is fucked up like that... its sooo not cool... right now his sister is trying to get me to break up with him... she loves to see him unhappy... she did it with his ex too... and thats one reason why his ex cheated on him and then broke up with him... so many bad things have happened to tony that he doesnt deserve... then on top of all this bull shit... i have a really bad head cold... that hayven gave to me... plus since i didnt get like any sleep for 2 days from having kaelyn it just made it easier for me to get sick... which totally sux... lol oh yea... and tony and i just signed a 6 month lease... and some how i haveta get out of it or find someone to share the lease with... so yea... this totally sux major ass!!!
okie so for those of you who dont know tuesday night when i went to go get tony... i started having mild contractions... and so we went got me some food and then went home and they got worse... so we went back to my moms... then they got worse! so i went and woke my mom up at like 1:00am and got my bag and everything ready for the hospital... started timing them and waited... so then at about 3am i went down to the er at omc and was admitted... they checked me and i was 4 centimenters and about 75% effaced... then they let me rest and monitored my contractions... they were about 3 minutes apart and really bad... so then at about 8am they checked on me and i was all the way dialated and effaced... and my water kinda broke... so then they gave me an epidoral (spelling might be wrong!) at about 10:30ish... and waited some more... then at 1:00ish they told me to push once to see how things were going... they said that i was ready to go but they needed me to wait 30 minutes so that the doctor could go downstairs... so then i waited and at about 1:30 i started to push when my contractions would come... and the baby was born at 2:43 pm on 10.10.07... i had a baby girl who weighed 7 pounds 15 ounces... she was 19 and a half inches long... and to those of you who i didnt tell the adoptive family came up with a beautiful name... her name is Kaelyn Anne Riess... she is absolutely wonderful... *tear* i know what i am doing is right but it still hurts... everything is going good... well i gotta go take care of hayven... love ya all

RIP David Gorecki

so last night i was hanging out with tony at my parents house and i got a call from shannon at 9pm... and she told me that a friend of mine from marshall who had moved back to texas had died... she said he worked for an oil company... and he was working the late night shift on the july 14th and was pinned between two pieces of machinerary and was killed... i just cant believe that hes gone... David Gorecki you will be missed by so many... now to all of you who still live in marshall i will be coming out there here really soon... when david's dad gets back from texas for the funeral they are gunna do a memorial service so im coming out there for that... so if you want to see me let me know!

oh so much stuff.

so its been a long past couple of dayz... two weeks ago monday my mom and i took hayven into the doctor and she had an ear infection... so they put her on meds for 10 days to clear it up... and since we had some extra we gave her one day extra... which doesnt hurt... anyways my mom went outta town to dallas last monday and was gone til wednesday really late... and on monday evening hayven started putting her fingure up her nose and i just thought she was trying to be silly... since shes done it before but yea... anyways she got a really bad stuffy nose tuesday into wednesday and then yesterday it went from clear snot to bright green snot... so we took her into the urgent care in rochester and found out she has a sinus infection... so they put her on stronger meds to get rid of it... and yesterday we were in the cities visiting family and helping finish up with the pool at my gmas... and my aunt comes over after work and decides that shes gunna get all up in hayvens face when im trying to feed her... and then she decides that shes going to take hayven into the other room... which is totally fine with me... but then she puts hayven into this chair that is like really high up and if hayven falls shes gunna hurt herself... and so what happens hayven falls and almost hits her head on the little step stool right next to the chair... and my aunt pretends like nothing happened... and my mom kinda freaked out at her... and then all hell broke lose with my aunt... she started storming around everywhere and stomping her feet and being a huge ass bitch! and so then we ate dinner and everything was fine... i was giving hayven a bath and had just finished and in walks my aunt... "hayven come here... hayven come here!" and she wasnt even dressed yet! so i get her dressed and just barely have finished zipping her sleeper and my aunt already has her picked up... i mean i turned for 2 seconds and BAM! so my thing is... do i have a right to be a little pissed off when every time we go up to see my gma my aunt does the same thing... shes all up in hayvens face and is all crowding her...? and then shes always saying the same damn things to hayven... "is that so?" or "is that right?" i mean HELLO!!!! you can say normal things!!!! come on... so do i have a right to be pissed off at her?

its been a while...

okie... so its been a while since i have written in here... first off... im single... and have been for about 2 months now... i told phillip that i was pregnant and he ran! like the coward he is... and im not trying to be mean but its true... he kept coming up with reasons as to why we shouldnt get married... so yea... he already has a new girlfriend... we were together for 17 months... so yea... Hayven is walking and talking all the time now... she has 12 teeth now... its crazy to see how much she has grown in the 14 months that she has been on this earth... i went in for a DNA test over a month ago with hayven... but i dont know if her father went in or not... i guess ill be finding out here really soon... i have just been trying to live it one day at a time... mainly because if i try to dweel on the past then i just get overwhelmed and things get bad... so things are hopefully gunna start to go up... because i am just trying to move on with my life... even tho its hard... but im trying... so yea...
so i just thought that i would let everyone know that im in love with the worlds most amazing man... hes the best... i love you phillip! he is the only one for me... i love him with everything i am... we have gone through some rough times... but we always seem to come through them... and i know that we are ment to be together... he is my soul mate...
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