XaviRoseMaiden's blog: "thinking , reflecting"

After the Divorce or break up...

The hardest thing is to be kind and say things about the other parent..

Things to remember if you have children the child who is already suffering ...

Will suffer more if you are speaking or acting cruel to their mother or father...

Is this what you want?

Think about it...

Find ways to work together for the child's best interests keeping things civil...

Face to face..

There will be enough tension without trying to add fuel that fire...

If u must...

And have to vent ...

Which sometimes we all do...

Don't make the child be one u vent to bout how terrible things are between the two of you..

Call a friend. Whos  discrete..see a Cousellor etc...

The reason I know these things are ...

I went through it as many of u all probably have..

And I was made to choose sides...

I was made to listen to both my parents say things I wasn't supposed to sorry about..

And I felt bad about having a relationship with my dad.. Because my mum hated him..

But its a separate thing entirely...

One of the few things I can say I'm grateful for after my mums passing was getting to know nt dad without fear or judgement...

Let the kids have this special gift if its possible..

If not ... Still try to help them find people in tjier lives that can inspire them and love them so much....

That it makes life a lil more easy to deal with...

After all we want to teach our children how to love not hate...

How to work through things...that are difficult...and not give up ...

If you want to make your child happy... Be willing to go as far as u can to help them see the parent .. Talk to the patent etc if it is possible...

Only you will know...

But if its don't like them or hate them cause its didn't work out...

Remember its not about you.....

Its about their relationship with their parent...

And if you do this without good ... I mean excellent reason ..

Than are only hurting the child u both love...

I'm trying to be nice here.. But if either ones ego is getting in the way of this...

GET OVER YOURSELF!

It's not about you!

Love Is Not All Romance

Romance is not all Love

We hear so many things about romance ... and as i get older its not only  all the pretty words we say say

.. though it starts out that way... it is the things we enjoy together ... 

it is going out with our friends and then coming back to tell our new stories.. 

its cuddling at night, under the same blanket.. not for sex but for intimacy..

Love is isnt only fairytales.. princes, and beautiful castles, no fights and candlelight.. 

Love is fighting for each other , willing to make the best of everything.. fighting fair, love is all day... Love is making compromises you can live with... 

Love is being with your best friend wants to be there...

Love allows for freedom to grow.. 

Love doesn't isolate.. it brings together your loved ones

It doesn't cage each other out of fear... 

But works through it..

A beautiful love , doesn't make you lose yourself so much that you don't know who you are.. 

It is looking after each other , repsecting each other, dating each other as the years go by ... 

it is encouraging each on our journies... 

 

It is sharing deep and intimate conversations... 

it is checking to see if the other is ok ... 

It's caling on the way home to let the partner know your ok...

Love is not only Roses ... with sweet , lustful perfume

Roses come with thorns too... come comes with fears and vunrabilities, insecurities as well

It is perfect, but we are human...

It is being there when its inconveinent... staying up late just to talk 

seeing each other when its hard ...becaue your schedule is so busy

Love can't keep away so long...  

Love takes sacrifice ... to grow it

Love takes trust... to resepct it 

Love is a journey.. Every day

love takes time .. to grow ...to be nutured.. like a beautiful garden...

Loves weeds must be pulled regulary... 

Loves communication must be honest and clear... 

Misunderstanding need to be cleared up..

Love must listen to each other and take turns to be in the spotlight...

Love is understanding...

Love is so much more then i can describe in English ..

 In latin , or greek some of its deepth can be reached... 

Love will make you want to do crazy things.. 

It will make you want to try new things , go on new adventures..

Love is not all romance 

Romance is not all love ... 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes family is the worst , and makes you feel invisable .. 

Sometimes they they don't even realize if they break your heart over and over .. 

when you reach out and they dont reach back ... 

it just hurts .. 

when strangers more then ... blood.. 

strangers become like family ... 

 

Sometimes people have to figure things out on thier own .. 

so they can take ownership... of the relationship... 

so that someone who always tries..

can give them an opportunity to try... 

 

Just being real... 

family isnt always the ones you end up supporting you and encouraging you .. 

and it's ok .. 

sometimes its ok to let go !

Is it Time to leave this place yet , 

 when assisgnments pile up .. and yet i feel like .. i have to like something or someone .. and rate thier page ... 

what am i doing ? 

Is time to leave yet , when i realize its been fivers i could of had my masters now had i spent more time in school  ... 

I dont wanna to feed my ego every with compliments about my looks .. 

i dont wanna think im better then anyone else ... 

is it time to leave yet ?.. 

when i wonder where all my friends are ... 

will they love me after fu is gone ? 

 i dont know but life goes on .. 

It is time leave yet ? .. 

 when i dont wanna flirt with every man that likes and rates , and comments my photos ...

 Or what may my purpose be here , if i stay ? 

Do people actually want to read the words i say... 

Life in the south...

I'm reading an interesting book called Mother of Pearl written by Melinda Haynes.It is set in 1950s in Mississippi and it deals with racism and politics and the way of life back than.. It is an eye opening book. I canaglp but connect with its honest , hard working, humorous characters.

It also makes me about the things I've experienced in my life and my daughter who is twelve years old and mixed. She has already experienced both the best of mankind and the worst of mankind.

She loves everybody though until they give her a reason not to. 

For the most part she forgives though who hurt her. I have to foogive them too, can be a lot more difficult especially if malice is involved.

 

 In my experience as her mother and listening to people talk about race. I try to understand where their coming from even if I don't agree.

I say it here now no person is better or worse than another because of the color of their skin. What should matter is the content of thier heart and how they treat others.

 

We live in a time where racism is alive and well even if you can't see it. Some of it is intentional, some of it is learned. Some of it is downright vicious .Some racism in the south here in Florida is so accepted it reminds me about  being in the 1950s again. but I have had to find a way to cope with it. Sometimes it is harder than others especially if it involves friends , aquantainances or even strangers. I  am developing what they call a thicker skin. 

I also the south for its beauty, for good hearted people, so friendly they seem like characters out of another novel. I love the warm weather, I love all the variety of animals here. I love the hard working nature of the place. You have to be tough to survive here. it is also a very transitional state so you never know who your going to meet and which part of the world their from which is exciting.

Death

It's like the final sting of the bee

The last steps of an old man..

It's when your body says it's over..

And you've given up the will to fight..

 

The death of someone close hurts more then u can imagine..

The pain of it changes how you view life..

How you feel about  everything..

It leaves a hole in your soul..

It steals your joy ... till one day u fight to get it back..

One day when you know you are ready.. you will Begin the fight...

 

The loss will never be forgotten but hopefully the pain will..

Love on those .. who suffer this loss..

Let them know their not alone..

Just let them know you care..

We don't always know the right things to say.. but we can always lend an ear.. 

Death is only the beginning of the journey to understanding grieving..

Hold on tight for the waves will get stronger..

Sometimes knocking you down..

U will get stronger

But each time you must get up.. and fight to swim.. don't drown in the ocean alone..

Death Death is like a fog that washes over you .. Death is like a storm that consumes you .. Death is so empty... Death has no hope of return No footsteps to walk .. No song to sing .. Just Nothing .. and Nothingness So many stories to be told after death .. So many to be remembered .. So many to carry to the grave ... Death .. Cold.. like a glacier.. Numbing ... like too much of the finest liqueur Empty .. like a bottomless hole Absence of life .. Death.. Tears after tears .. soaking the pillow .. Even after all the years .. The pain goes on and on .. Death changes you like nothing else..

Anzac Day I remember .. being in school and given our poppies Lest we forget written on them .. I never could .. both of my Grandfathers served in the wars.. Both of them told stories about their service and how close they were to their brothers in arms.. I later when i was old enough to understand what war really meant read stories about Nam .. and watched the movies. Saving Private Ryan being one of favourites.. It makes me sad , when sometimes people don't even know Australia has been an Allie of the American Military for a long , long time .. We've fought long beside you , in Germany , in Vietnam , In Afghanistan and Iraq.. We've lost plenty of our men doing so .. Don't ever forget we were there beside you .. comrades .. and after the fights on long days sharing booze , and other things to keep your spirits high .. Lest We Forget

sadness is coming 

sadness is creepin in like a nasty rat .. 

i feel it in my bones .. making me ache ...from head to toe . 

Mother's day is on the way ... 

there's there great joy and sadnesd to be found this day .. 

U see my mother died on May 4th .. 

And then soon after it was time to celebrate mother's day for the first time .. 

 

How do celebrate once dies .. 

It's pretty damn hard .. it's not possible over night .. 

Mother's day came and it seems like the world celebrated but us .. 

We lost to us the most precious person in our lives .. 

 

We lost to us .. 

the one who comforts our very souls like no other .. except for god .. 

The begiining of this journey i hated God for that .. i hated the world .. 

i hated to smile .. I hated to exsist .. 

That's how pain and heart felt the pain was 

 

But its year 10 now .. 

Thep iain is still there .. but life has moved on .. 

I lost the anger.. 

I'm working on losing the guilt of not being there to save her .. 

Not being there and allowing myself to let her go .. 

But the the greatest sacrifice of all .. 

was to let her go .. 

 

I can't into words my experience .. 

but i swear to you her spirit spoke to me .. and her eyes filled with eyes during our last good bye ... 

And then i let her go .. 

Never to see her smile again 

Never to hold her in my arms again ... 

Never to call her on the phone again ... 

 

But she's in my dreams , my thoughts .. she's one of the reason i fight so hard to make my life mean something .. cause hers did .. 

She was one of the most selfless people youcould ever meet .. 

 

 

And you want to talk about funerals hers was packed . .and she given me strict guidlines on what she wanted .. 

almost like she knew ... 

 

 

We werent supposed to wear any black .. we buried her in purple which was her favourite colour .. 

We were to celebrate her life ... not to mourn her passing .. 

and love the fact we all got to gether for funerals .. 

this always made her laugh .. 

We loved seeing the family ... but alot of the time .. it was for funerals and weddings ... 

 

I love her so much so much .. that hasnt changed ... i miss her so much that hasn't changed but learning to cope without her yes tha'ts changed .. 

my therapist you have plenty to be miserable for ... 

i joked with her and said .. "let me just schedule that in that sounds like a fun date .." she laughed .. 

But yes we kinda do have to schedule misery sometimes allow ourselves to fall apart ..  

death does that .. 

 and makes us remember we all mortal .. 

 

On my heart 

Love B

Gratefulness

if there's anything i can tell you it's to be grateful . be grateful for the shirt on your back , be grateful for the food you put in your mouth. be grateful for the shelter you have .. be grateful for your family and friends who are family .. be grateful your here.

 

In the time that we live in everyone is out there thinking , they need more, we taught to be believe so much stuff.. 

But at the end of the day .. stuff is just stuff .. 

You can't take it with you when you go .. 

Your legacy is what you leave behind .. 

hopefully you leave some kindness .. 

Hopefully you teach your children to survive in this world .. 

Hopefully after you die this world is a better place ... in some tiny way .. 

I hope long after i'm gone.. 

My daughter remembers all the fun times we had , remembers the lil arguments .. 

rembers everything i tried to do make her a happy childhood .. 

 

We don't all have that .. 

Some of us live in pain , and anger .. and carry vengence in our hearts .. 

i know i did .. 

 

but the funny thing about life is it keeps going ... 

it goes up and down .. it goes two steps backwards to go two steps forward ... 

But treasure it in it all its stages .. 

We do not know .. how long we have .. 

But we mortul .. 

though our spirits may stay.. 

 

But my best friend told me .. 

Live for today !

And i try .. 

but sometimes i fall on my face .. and i don't want to get up .. 

but i'm not alone in that .. 

i don't know what compels me to write .. 

but when the urge compels me i do .. 

and i find my peace here in my words .. and in reflections .. 

i find my clarity ... 

 

So i leave you with this .. 

I challenge you to be grateful ... 

for even one tiny thing today .. especially since its monday .. 

 

Live , Love ..Laugh 

Love Xavi