Oreo1StrangeCookie's blog: "THINGS FOR TODAY"

LIFE HOW DO YOU LIVE IT DO YOU LIVE IT LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW OR DO YOU TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME THINKING YOU WILL SEE TOMORROW.I HAVE TRIED TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST EVERYDAY TO BE HAPPY ONE. YESTERDAY I GOT SOME BAD NEWS THOUGH WE WERE NOT CLOSE BUT WE WERE STILL FAMILY AND HE WAS SO YOUNG TO HAVE HIS LIFE END SO SHORT. JON JON HAD HIS HEATH ISSUES BUT HE WAS TRYING SO HARD TO FIX IT SAVING AND WORKING SO HARD TO SAVE MONEY FOR GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY. HE WAS MORBIDLY OBESE BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP HIM FROM BEING THE PERSON THAT HE WAS. HE HAD BEEN WORKING SO HARD TO SAVE MONEY TO GET HEALTHY BUT I JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR HIM. I'M GONNA MISS YOU JON JON YOU WERE FUNNY AND YOU WERE THE BEST MY FAVORITE WAS ALWAYS ENDING UP AT THE SAME PARTIES AND STANDING THERE ACTING LIKE WE HADN'T SEEN EACH OTHER IN FOREVER ONLY TO SHARE A SHOT AND A BEER AND CHILL OUT. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU JON JON AKA THE BIG WORM IN MY EYES YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A GOOD PERSON.

I was asked this question the other night and I didn't know what to say. I mean no one has ever asked me that before. I mean I've always been asked are you single and of course that is a yes or no answer but why are you single. I really don't know why I am single maybe I'm not picking the right guys or I just haven't found the right one. Maybe I don't want to get hurt again or maybe I'm just not lovable enough. I really don't know why I'm single and at this point I really don't care anymore. I used to but what for all it does is make me loose sleep and make me think I am doing something wrong.

HELLO ITS ME YOUR FULL OF LOVE WELL ALL I REALLY REALLY NEED YOUR HELP AND SO DOES MY FRIEND. http://fubar.com/user/11737 COME ADD HIM HE REALLY NEEDS YOU TO BE HIS FRIENDS HE LOVED TO MAKE SOME NEW ONES I MEAN U CAN NEVER HAVE TO MANY NEW FRIENDS OH DID I MENTION HE HAS AUTOS ON SO COME SHOW MY MY FRIEND SOME LOVE AND BECOME HIS FRIEND.AND IF YOU REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE A FRIEND GET HIM AN AUTO 11 TRUST ME YOU WON'T REGRET IT.

So yea what's new with you my lovely Fu-friends.Yes I know your tired of hearing me whine but I can't help it this week has been both great yet terrible. It's all good though Just like Sugarlands-Stand up. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger. I have had some really great friends for me and some well you know. Things just go wrong sometimes when I least expect it usually when I'm at my happiest. Well I'm doing much better now I just got to move on and walk away. I know you might think of me as a wimp cause I walk away but let me tell you walking away is much better then standing there in silence because you don't want to cause any problems. I have walked away from many things both friends and family but mostly by those that play me. I only get fooled once and never again. You play me and let me tell you you loose me. Don't come to me with your I'm sorry that's only to make you feel better not me.It's not my fault you feel bad you hurt me. It's your fault you hurt me. Remember it was your decision to make and you did it all on your own. You can't blame anyone else but yourself. Just like me I blame no one for how I feel right now I blame myself for being such a fool and just trying to be a friend. I guess it just wasn't good enough for you but that's okay there is a reason people from your past don't make it to your future it's because they're not suppose to be there. I do miss those from my past very much but to have them hurt me again no I would rather be alone then feel the way I do right now. Yes I am a broken woman and yes I will put the pieces back together but like a broken glass angel no matter how well you glue it it will never be the same.

Every have one of those days where you just feel like you can't get it right. One of those days was today and I really hate these types of days. Every little thing on this day sets me off. I'm very sensitive on days like these and all I do is cry. What makes it worse is when everyone wants to know what's wrong but I can't tell you what's wrong because at this point I feel everything is wrong. Life, love, friends everything. You can't fix it trust me you can't you can try but it won't work I just let it run it's course and spend the day in my room hiding and crying. Hoping it all goes away and things will be fine. I have these days often and have learned to live with them. Some tell me it's not healthy to live this way but I'm fine just sometimes on the days that I feel I'm not getting it right I just need to think things through go to my little corner of the room and look at life. Look at life and remember that some people have it worse then I do. Even though sometimes I think it's the end of the world it's not I just have to cry let it out then I will feel better.

So yea being too nice and sweet just sux. Got my heart broken once again can't seem to get anything right not here and not in the real world. I'm so tired of all this crap I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm the one just standing on the outside watching everything happen for everyone else but me. I feel so alone in a sea of friends and family. I don't know how much more I can take anymore. This is why I stay single because thier just isn't anyone for me out there. If there was I think I would of found them by now. well thanks for reading to those who did and thanks to those who showed me love while I was feeling so sad.

You conniving SOB I can't believe you did that you scared me have to death making me think my cousin was in trouble. You used his phone to call me cause you know that was the only way that I would ever talk to you. When I heard your voice I so knew it was you. I hung up but you still didn't get a clue you called and called and text me. All you did was make me start thinking should I take you back. I'll admit I don't have guys in this shitty town knocking down my door to go out with me, but I must admit it's kinda hard when alot of them are exactly the same as the one I dumped. We started out great in the begining it was funny we were supposed to be just a fling a drunken one night stand. Yet you kept calling checking on me asking questions being real nice. Then we started to hang out more get more serious you did cute things for my just like I did for you. Then the age difference started to bother me and your family not to mention another one of my ex's picking a fight with you. Yet you stuck it out you wanted to make it work and so did I. Then you made it offical on Valentines and I thought it was so cute. So we were a couple but then things started to go wrong. I began to know the real you and I couldn't believe it. You had a very bad drug habit you hid it from me at first then you started to do it in front of me at first it was every now and then. Then it was every weekend to everyday. You started to change you got angry alot we faught alot and I cheated on you but could you blame me we had gotten into a big fight the night before you told me to get the hell out and I did. Then you called me to tell me it was over. So I moved on you expected me to beg you expected me to be like all the other girls you dated but that was a the problem I wasn't a girl I was a woman. We went on like this for a few months till you pushed and pushed me away. So I left and went on my own I walked away from everything our friends your family everything. You became angry you did horrible and mean things to me and then after realizing I wasn't going back you finally called but I didn't talk to you. I told you and your family I wanted nothing to do with you. It's been months and even though I sit home alone I'd rather be alone then miserable because taking you back would be the biggest mistake I would ever make.

yeah so it was new years and you got drunk again calling me and txting me trying so hard to get me to talk to you. i told u nicely no and said i was sorry and i had plans. what happend you call me and tell me fuck you. then you txt me and tell me call you. you were so drunk you even sending txt meant for me to my cousin your friend cause you were so drunk. you did this all night totally ruining my new years. oh i was happy and doing fine till you decided to call. yeah i ignored you and avoided you hey im only doing what you did to me first remember i do. I told you once and i'm telling you again its over i told you if you ever did what you did i would walk out of your life for good. dont you get it its over i dont want you anymore. its been months since the last time we talked dont you think if i wanted to see you or talk to you i would of move on i dont want nothing to do with you or anyone else from our past.

So here I am just sitting here thinking about you wondering what you're doing. I know if I wanted to I could call you right now but I won't. Cause it just wouldn't be right. I feel like I'm just getting to close to you and I don't know if you feel the same but you know what I'm to scared to find out the truth because it just might hurt to much. I haven't seen or heard from you in a few days and for some reason I feel that that's okay after all we are just friends. If it weren't for the miles apart I'm sure we would be something so much more or something special maybe. Yes I've tried to take your advice and yes I've gone out there only to run into a few brick walls and end up with a couple of bumps on my head but I'm trying even though it seems to be coming out all wrong at this end. I know with you to it's been kind of hard and you're still trying to find the same thing that I've been looking for for a long time but for some reason I feel we would both have it together if and only if we could make it work out. Even though we feel the same way about the situation that we are both in we both know that it couldn't really work right? After all we both said distances do make a differance and it never really works after all. So here I am just thinking and wondering what your doing and hoping you're doing just fine like me.

I only saw you for a moment today and you asked what was wrong. I didn't want to say anything cause I was afaird of what you would think. Then you begged me you told me you were my friend and that's when I said I know and that's all you'll ever be my friend. At that moment you understood what I was saying. I then told you how I didn't want to say anything and feel stupid. If you could've you would put your arm around me and said it was fine.I knew if I told you you wouldn't tell me what I wanted to hear. You tried to explain that it would all be fine and it would take time and go away. I smiled and put a brave front as I said my goodbye I tried so hard not to break right there. I waited till now and began to cry I'm still crying now as I write this. Knowing you have no idea what I'm going through.