- The running speed of a Belgian Malinois is at least twice that of the
average out of shape tweaker. If you are going to attempt to outrun
one, please calculate the "Rate x Time = Distance" formula ahead of time
if you want to avoid getting bit.
- If they say they "just met" another person, then they are close
friends who just committed a crime and don't want to be implicated with
aforementioned friend.
Anyone who goes out of their way to acknowledge you is hiding
something. Anyone who goes out of their way to ignore you is hiding something.
- If you get called to a 911 hang-up and a guy answers the door with a
9 month old child in his arms and says "Oh, the baby must have
accidentally dialed it", he means he was just involved in a domestic that he
doesn't want you to know about. Sometimes the same guy has a $25k felony
warrant as well.
- If you borrowed a BMW from a friend it's not unreasonable to expect
you to know your friends last name.
- If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but I get to
see a large K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can
keep the $20.
- If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I
don't need a warrant.
- If they tell you they borrowed the jacket from a friend, just before
you search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their
jacket.
- We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do
some shopping during them.
- Any person who absolutely cannot sit still or hold a relevant
conversation to pertaining subject, and does not mention desperate need
of the lavatory, is either: 1) illegally transporting something 2)
under the influence or 3) possessing some felony warrant out for them.
- If I ask you the day or month you were born and you have to think
about it I don't believe your answer.
- If the company you entertain includes crack, meth, and/or heroin
users I may act like a professional when you call me for the burglary
report but I'm secretly laughing my ass off at the poetic justice of the
situation.
- Speaking to me and starting your phrase with, "Screw you, you can't
do..." will quickly make you the victim of your own ignorance.
- EVERYONE lies. The bad guys lie to try to get out of trouble, the
victims lie to make their plight sound worse and/or to make the bad guy
look worse. The truth is usually somewhere in between.
- Nobody in the history of the world has ever had "just a couple of
beers" and then ended up in contact with law enforcement under
circumstances where the amount of alcohol they have consumed is a factor.
- I know ALL my cousin's last names. Especially the ones that I know
well enough to borrow their car. So should you. Unless they aren't really
your cousin.
- "I get a check" is not the answer that tells me you are a solid
citizen when I ask you where you work.
- No bathroom, ANYWHERE, in any house, is large enough to fit everyone
who was in the house when the shooting happened. If you tell me you
were peeing outside when I point that out, you better be able to show me a
wet spot.
- If you look right then left more than once while talking to my face,
you are about to wear handcuffs or sit in the back seat of my unit, I
do not like foot pursuits.
- If I ask you "is there anything in the car that's illegal" and you
say "not that I know of" or "there shouldn't be".....I get very excited.
it's like Christmas morning.
