There must be a change in me happening. I don't feel like being played anymore, I don't feel like being someone's plaything anylonger. I want something that is real. I want a man that thinks about me all day long, and can't wait to see me. I want a man who can handle the fact that I have two children that will come first for a very long time. I've always been affraid of change, changing the type of man I usually go out with. I don't go for guys that I should I go for guys that have no problem telling me how much they want to have sex with me. Why is this because A: I'm good in bed, B: that's all they care about, C: I've always been ok with that being the only thing they are interested in with me. Well now I'm 27, just got played by a guy that I thought was different, thought that we actually had something special. And out of the blue the ex-factor calls him and instead of staying with me he goes back to her. I did this a few months ago. I choose East when I should have gone with west. East ended up disappointing me in so many ways, while West was an amazing person. So that is the position that the guy was in, stay with a new change or go back to what he is comfortable with. So I took a head dive after talking to him last night, and now after some deep thoughts I've realized that what must change is me. I need to change who I'm willing to be with, I need to get over my need for contact, and my need to feel needed. So I feel I need to cut myself off from the male gender until I am sure of someone. Why would I want the same flavor all the time I need to pick the ones I would never give a chance to in the past. The ones that are super nice and say complimentary things without those things being about my body or what they would like to do with my body. So my list of demands is long now in what a guy must possess to be with me. I guess that's it for now.
