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March 2nd was the worst day of my life. Woke up late, son wasn't getting ready then.....it all changed..
It is all in slow motion, actions, words, voices, all is a blurr...like an episode of er.
Time is 7:10, my son walks into my daughters room to search through basket for t shirt and pants, flipped lights onlike usual, nothing wakes her but a blow horn. 7:20, I go down yelling for her to get up, I finish getting ready, pass her room still no movement. I enter then the nightmare begins....
I start yelling again to get up, shaking, yanking. Feel her cheek, still warm, whisper sign of relief...for a second then paniced, slapped her, then saw the note...screamed at her dad, her brother saw her, called 911, screamed to get her brother out before ambulance arrived. She took took a lethal dose of meds she takes on a regular basis due to a boyfriend issue.
All I remember is echo like tunnel vision, people talking, shouting, questions, confusion.
When I got to the hospital, seeing all these people touching, doing things to my daughter I felt helpless, I am her mother but cant do a damn thing. Questions asked, being told to touch her, talk to her yet being knocked out of the way....wtf am I supposed to do? All I saw as I stared at her lifeless body was her birth, her first laugh, her first tooth, eating toast on the counter by the sink, playing her guitar with her dad to Ozzy, being goofy in Hawaii, her dance in California, her laughter.....
I am far from being over this selfish act from someone who was never selfish, I am sad, overwhelmed and angry...although extremely grateful I still have her in my life.
Never ever take your loved ones for granted, and tell them daily you love them...I didn't the night before as I had fallen asleep, never again will I let that happen.
