The naked Woodchopper's blog: "The View through Paul's window"

For a long time when my nephew was younger, he believed that I was a child. Because I still lived at home, his natural progression in thought was, "Uncle Paul lives with nana, so he's a kid like me". It became apparent the day we went out on our own and he declared, "We can do whatever we like can't we Unca Paul?" and spat on the ground to prove his point. He was all of 4 at the time. His mum shattered his dreams of me being a big kid however, which disappointed me somewhat. I still remember when he rang up to ask nana if I was allowed to go visit him, hehehe. My second nephew didn't live with us and for a while it took a bit for me to be close to him. He's a character however. He's just turned 5 and for the last few weeks has had his leg in a cast. That didn't slow him down though. I'd call him Smeagle, the pasty faced character from lord of the rings, he'd creep around on the floor in his cast. I even saw him jump off a swing chair outside so he could "chase" people around. For his birthday I wrote him a card as you usually do for birthdays. The envelope had a warning. Becareful when opening this card. Inside I got his mum to read it to him. "If you read this card you'd better get ready to run because Uncle Paul is turning into a Tickle monster behind you..." He turned to look at me and screamed as I reached out to tickle him. I chased him all over the house and terrorised the other kids that were there too. I need to get fitter because I was wrecked afterwards, LOL. Oh to be a kid again and not just a big kid at heart.

Just finished watching Donnie Darko. Haven't seen it for a long time, the dvd copy of it never played until tonight. The first time I saw it, I was stunned. So much so I went from my friend's house and hired it to watch it again... I understand it, but don't. It's given me a mood of reflectiveness. I sometimes feel like I'm not part of the world. That I'm a visible tangible being, but not attached to everything here. I see things that I would normally gloss over, like a person walking past and suddenly being able to connect with their feelings, it's a draining ability, because it's never feelings of happyness, nor sadness, just melancholy I suppose. It makes me wonder where they've been, where they're going, and why. I came to realise long ago that you can be happy or content, you can't be both. I guess you can't be both because I've not been able to experience both. I think you can be content with what/where you are, but not happy, I think you can be happy with what/where you are but not be content. What you're reading here is me. I've not written for a long time and I fear that is because I'm happy, I'm not having to live by myself inside me anymore and that's kind of freaky, as in that place I am eloquent and have a comeback, outside of me, I'm quick with a comeback but can't be eloquent and it slows me down I feel. I won't edit these thoughts, what you're reading here is a typical pouring of thought and thought process onto cyber paper. I sometimes wonder at these times if I'm actually dead and still able to view the world and feel the things I shouldn't be, like someone's thoughts and feelings as they wander past without realising I'm connected to them for those brief moments. What are we and why? I can't answer that. I know I like being me, if I came back and had to do it over, I'd still be me I think. I love the fact that my mind is like a deep pool of emotion, silent on the surface but running fast far far below. I like the fact that some people have wanted to work me out, but you don't need to go below the surface for that, infact you'd probably find it all on the banks rather than in the pool. I'm no mystery, probably not even remotely interesting, but I guess the fun is in trying to find the answer to the questions, right or wrong. My need to write is going. It's like this always. Even when I was writing short stories, if a pen wasn't handy, the story was gone, never to come back. I'm sure I'm not responsible for my stories and that I get channelled by some frustrated dead writer, (wonder if he was famous). I loved the connection I had with "Him". I'd have a story down on paper from beginning to end and the only edit it would get was when it was going from paper to computer, sometimes not even that. The story was told, all said and done, it was spilt onto paper with nothing more to add. I loved the darkness of it all, the feeling of pulling something out of me. That feeling is going now and so I shall stop. Thank you for reading this if you have got this far, tell me you got here, tell me you understand, tell me anything, it'd be nice to hear.

Have you ever been in a position where you know you shouldn't be doing something but you do it anyway? I ended up having a 3some with a friend and her friend a while ago. No one was drunk, everyone was into it. It annoyed me though because another of their friends was in another room, listening to what was going on, so no one really got to relax as they thought she'd come out and bust us. I still see the two girls and would love to have it happen all over again but don't know if it will. They've been best friends since childhood and one of them had fantasised about being with the other. What would you do? try and see if it can happen again, or leave it be? Have you been in this position before? How did you handle it?

It's almost been a year since I started my little business. I won't be driving a ferrari for a while yet but I'm happy it's still moving forwards. For a while there I thought it wasn't going to go anywhere, but word of mouth is a wonderful things, (just another pleasurable act with one's mouth), and I keep getting people in and asking, "how long have you been here". It annoys me that advertising didn't work, but I'll take what I can get. I put up a website, Http://www.corneroftheattic.com.au so now we'll see if even more people find us. I had no trouble getting the Bike shop's website up high on google, so we'll see how I go with this one... Now not only do I have to keep building my own website, I've got to do the bike shops, someone's asked me to do a small one for them and they've mentioned me to someone else who wants one as well... I don't have enough time in the day lately... Oh well, it's better than doing nothing I suppose. Time to learn how to manage time appropriately.