FaRmDiVa FM2 TaLLBoYRoN's blog: "The thoughts of FarmDiva"

Changes in life are very tough right now for me; people who know me well know I have raised 4 children. I have raised them on my own 2 whom are naturally mine and I also took custody of my sisters two children  11 yrs ago. My twenties and thirties have been dedicated to raising children and I honestly know nothing else.
Last year I survived stage 3 uterine and ovarian cancer and went through months of radiation and chemo therapy which in return damaged my kidneys. I had one removed in May and now have one that is functioning at 50%. In everything I have been through nothing was as hard as the experience I had today dropping my son off to start basic training. 
I can not begin to express how much joy and love I have experienced being surrounded by these 4 unique individuals.  My life would not be what it is today without them! But right now I have a lot of personal anger. I have spent 20 yrs raising children, giving them everything and now it feels like I have nothing left. They call it empty nest and the term is spot on. The tears I have shed the past to weeks have been hard and from within. I mean when they become adults you can not even stop them from leaving. I sit back and pray I have installed the correct values that they stay strong, make good decisions, and make a lifetime of happiness for themselves. 
It’s a sad time for me, but I know now that it is my time, but I will be honest I have no idea what I am going to do with myself from here on out. Boring yes but I am being completely honest! 
To my son Nick I am so proud of you, it’s been amazing! I am blessed for every hour I spent watching baseball and football games. Being there for his 1st broken bone and skin knee, 1st girlfriend, homecoming, prom est. I loved all of the unforgettable moments you have share with your Mama and I hope I expressed my thankfulness enough through grace and my faithfulness of being a parent. 
Stay strong, be smart, have faith and know when you are lonely your Mama is always here in spirit cheering you on! I am your biggest fan and you are going to make a great soldier! I look forward to saluting you at your graduation and thanking you for your serviced time and time again. 
Thank-you for my vent! Farm Diva (Brooke)

Ignorance is an issue of ones mind. We were all raised well enough to know better, at least one can hope!Recently I have ran across a few individuals that thrive for attention and when they don’t receive it they have this mental flash and in that case I just block them, then of course they feel the need to travel to others shout boxes to talk me down, can you say cowardly? Are we adults? 
I admit I am probably on Fubar more than one person should be, but just because I am signed in does not mean I am sitting here waiting to hear from you. I have a busy life and prefer to live it.  I have a job; I like to spend time with my children and its an important factor of my life. In fact I will say this, if you are a parent and your children come 2nd to anything (internet) (alcohol) (Drugs) you should serious evaluate your priorities because you are a fucking moron.
Rumors are just as fishy as the person taking the time to spread them. What is this individual doing with their life that they have time to make it a dysfunctional hobby to get into everyone’s personal business or better yet spread untrue gossip about others? 
Everyone on here has imperfections and things they have done in their lives they have to own, such as my (adult modeling) which I have not hide on here what so ever! It is what it is, and if I never had those pictures to take I would have never been able to put myself through nursing school , or raise my sisters two children along with my own when she decided to check-out on life. 
I think the one rumor that stung the most is when I was told someone was going to all of my family telling them I was a porn star, who was addicted to drugs that had her children taken away.  Such nonsense, I have made some many sacrifices to make sure my children seceded my two oldest are in college which I help pay for and both made the deans list, one is about to head of to basic training this summer and my youngest daughter is 14 years old and I can not ask for a more well mannered beautiful person in my life. 
I know I am rambling and this blog will make no difference to anyone, I guess I just needed to vent for my personal self.  But I would like to say how thankful I am for the real friendships I have made on here.  People from many walks of life and I am honored that they take the time to have good conversations on here. 
FarmDiva