1. GHOST SHIT. You know you've shitted.
There's shit on the toilet paper, but none
in the toilet.
2. TEFLON-COATED SHIT. Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you
don't even feel it. No trace of shit on the
paper. You have to look in the toilet to make
sure you did something.
3. GOOEY-SHIT. This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe
your arse 12 times and it's still not clean.
You end up putting toilet paper in your jocks
so that you don't stain them. This kind of shit
leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
4. SECOND THOUGHT SHIT. You're all done wiping, and you're about to
stand up when you realise....you've got more.
5. POP A VEIN IN YOUR The kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't
FOREHEAD SHIT. come out till you're all sweaty, trembling and
purple from straining so hard.
6. WEIGHT WATCHERS You shit so much, you lose several kilos.
SHIT.
7. RIGHT NOW SHIT. You had better be within 30 seconds of a toilet.
You burn rubber getting to the toilet. Usually
it has its head out before you can get your
pants down.
8. KING KONG or This one is so big that you know it won't go
CHOKER SHIT. down the toilet unless you break it into smaller
chunks. A wire coat hanger works well. This kind
of shit usually occurs at someone else's house.
9. CORK SHIT Even after the third flush it's still floating in
(also Floater) the bowl. You think "SHIT" how do I get rid of it.
10. WET CHEEKS SHIT. This shit hits the water sideways and makes a big
splash that gets you all wet.
11. WISH SHIT. You sit there all cramped up in the foetal position
and fart a few times, but no shit in sight.
12. CEMENT BLOCK SHIT. You wish you had a spinal anaesthetic before you
attempted this one.
13. SNAKE SHIT. This shit is fairly soft and about as thick as your
thumb, and at least a metre long.
14. BEER AND PIZZA This happens the day after the night before. Most
SHIT. of the time your shit doesn't smell so bad but this
one is BAD....usually this one happens at someone
else's house, and someone is always waiting outside
the toilet door.
15. MEXICAN FOOD SHIT. You know will know it's safe to eat again when your
(or Screamer) arse stops burning.
