I dont fall hard for guys..not usually. I guess I have in the past and it didnt do me any good..
LOL
Im just a tough cookie now.. :( I cant seem to get past it. Jaded by past bad experiences?? oh yeah. SOmetimes its just that bad you cant help it.
I fell hard only once..and it turned out to be the worst experience of my life *eek* I was out with a few friends at this great new restaurant, drinking cosmos and having plenty of laughs..when I looked up and saw this guy across the room. He was very tall, dark haired and really good looking in the preppy business man sort of way lol. I remember thinking that he looked like one of those Calvin Klein underwear models! At the same exact moment I saw him he saw ME. We stared at each other for a minute and I looked away *blush* All I could think was wow, lol But nothing more...
We were laughing about something silly when our waiter came over with a round of drinks from the gentlemen over THERE... (yikes) My gf Toni who is as crazy as all hell, smiled at them and waved thanks. So lo and behold they came over to our table. There were three of them on a business dinner and there was three of us...they joined us.
We drank and talked over dinner and Mr underwear model ;) seemed interested in my friend Toni..which made me a little jealous lmao, but hey who am I to tell someone who to be attracted to?? I smiled and flirted with his friend who really wasnt my type in that he smoked like a fiend but he was friendly and funny. After dinner we moved to the bar...getting cozy over drinks..and mr underwear model started to talk to me more, he was sitting near me and his cologne or whatever it was smelled fabulous..I found myself leaning over just slightly so I could smell him!! (ack did I just say that lol)
When Toni got up to go to the ladies room...Mr model asked me if I would like to go out with him sometime..he offered me his card with his number on it. I was frankly surprised as he barely paid attention to me all night..and Toni liked him I could tell...
So I said no thanks..Im seeing someone. (LIAR) If he didnt look disappointed!! I told him I had to go and I left when Toni got back..when I got up he got up too to walk me out! I couldnt believe it and I looked at Toni..and she was like OH WELL..
He walked me out and at my car we talked for a minute..I didnt give him my number. I wasnt sure what game he was playing with me or my friend and told him that. He laughed and said he was too intimidated to talk to me (right, calling BS here)
He put his card in my windshield wiper as I was going..lol
I ended up going out with him after he left roses at my job...he took the time to track me down..maybe he was ok after all...
We went out and had a wonderful time..we laughed and danced. I didnt kiss him on the first date lol since I am such a terrible prude ;)...he didnt complain.
We saw each other alot after that...called each other every day...he was smart and fun and he liked the same things I liked...
I remember the first tme we kissed..it was at a movie. I was watching the movie, he was watching ME...when I turned to look at him he kissed me softly. *whew*
I felt strangely like I was spiraling out of control when he held my hand, the slightest touch ...it was new to me. I dont like to lose control..I like to have the upper hand in a relationship lol but I was losing it fast...lol I tried really hard not to fall into bed with him right away. I felt that it would be better to wait awhile, to get to know him, to be sure. But he was very smooth..
and I was very into him..after a while I could resist his charms no longer...he told me he loved me..that I was the girl he dreamed of having...that he wanted to marry me..
*sigh*
and it all falls apart from there..
I first saw his wicked temper on a Sunday...I took his car on an outing because mine was in the shop. He had this gorgeous new jaguar and I loved driving it. But I had the misfortune of having it get a scrape on it that I didnt notice...and he was LIVID. He called me a stupid whore, and why I didnt leave then I dont even know..I was shattered..I offered to pay for the damages but he said it didnt matter the car was worthless now :(
I never felt so badly about anything before...
but he came back around, apologizing profusely, bringing candy and flowers..blahblahblah and he got himself a NEW car..
so I forgave him that..
but there was more :(
well not much more...it was the final straw when he had a meltdown becuause he thought i was cheating on him with one of his friends. THey guy was a sweetheart to me and a gentleman but never hit on me. After one too many drinks he accused me of cheating, punched out his friend in front of other friends and then at home (by then we lived together)he pulled my hair and threatened me that he would kill me if he caught me cheating..of course Im tearfully saying I would never do that...the more I cried the angrier he got till he backhanded me across the face and I went flying across the floor...I managed to call 911 somehow and the cops and the ambulance came. He went to jail for assault but his parents bailed him out (not the first time I learned later)
I was inthe hospital for a little while, my jawbone was cracked and it had to be wired shut..I couldnt eat for a while and wow it was a horrible time...
I took a trip by myself and while I was gone my sister and her husband cleared my stuff out of his place...we got the restraining order against him..now he had to leave me alone.
I was literally and figuratively crushed...devastated. But he had a long history of beating up Girfriends that I didnt know about...too bad no one wanted to clue me in.
His poor mother begged me to help her baby get probation and if I did she would make sure that they got him into rehab and counseling..and they paid for all of my hospital bills and everything. So thats what I did...as long as he leaves me alone..
So Idont trust my own judgement anymore when it comes to men..
When I say I have been hurt?? you just dont know the half of it...
Gunshy isnt even close to describing how I feel about it...
