ScottProud ParentFu Husband to Ashley's blog: "The Real Me"

Never again will you be alone. You have gone through this life as a victim, and that has now changed. I have fallen truly in love with you and my love for you will never die. Your heart is a fragile thing and with all my being I will protect it. I will fight death itself to save you. I will be your teacher and show you what it means to live again. You are never going to feel alone ever again. I am the one person that undertands your deepest feelings. I embrace them even when they scare me. I will walk with you hand in hand, heart to heart to fight through the demons within you. I am here to stop the bleeding in your heart, to end the once never ending pain. You have healed me and I will heal you my love. To release the pain you feel inside, you need a man that will take that pain for you and let you release it into me. As the man that has fall so deeply in love with you, I have that ability and desire to do that for you. Release it into me and I will let it go for you. I will not hold it in of keep it as a weight around my neck, you will give it to me and let me burn it to the ground. I am the lover in your life that will never leave you, the one that doesnt seek only pleasures of the flesh, I am the seeker of a higher love and passion. Something that cannot be gained from only physical contact. I will return your independence to you, and give you your life back. I will show you how to wake every day with a smile on your face when you wake next to me. You just turned 28 and now your life is just beginning. I love you my baby girl, and say goodbye to the pains and hurt of your past, for this is now the future and with me your heart is safe.

Its been a hard day. If you have read my previous blog you all know my brother died 3 years ago today. Today is the first time that on this dreadful day that I have smiled. I have always been alone on this day. Even on the day we committed my little brother to the ground. I, for the first time had someone that was there for me. I have fallen head over heels in love with her. She has made this day so much more bearable. The sound of her voice has soothed me. She knows how i feel about her, but she will never know how much she really means to me. All my life I have been looking for that one that would be there for me in my time of need and now I have her. This is the real me, the one and only. I will never change who or what I am and she is happy with me just the way I am. I love my Angel.

Its April 14th and it has been 3 years since my brother was killed in a car accident. People think the passage of time makes it easier, but it doesnt. I just returned home frome the cementary where I was visiting, and I cried because I miss him. My brother, Shawn, was only 25 years old when he passed on. If ever there was a person that you could count on it was him. I like to write about him because I dont ever want to forget him. I try to take a lot of his ideals and apply them to my life today. The biggest one that I found the most important is to make time for the people in your life. No mater how busy he was he always made an effort to visit with friends, family, and to occassionally chat up a stranger. He never took a single day for granted, and neither do I anymore. I was not always like that. I was so busy that I used to put my friends and family last. I payed the ultimate price for that by losing out on the chance to talk to my brother one last time. You always think that there will be a tommorrow, but I know for a fact that for some people their wont be. There is a message here. Call the one you love, make sure they know exactly how you feel, trust them with your soul, and dont ever be afraid to tell loved ones exactly how it is your feel. Even if its someone you just met...I made sure I did and she loves me just as much as I do her. Its worth the risk. R.I.P....Shawn William Gealow...my little brother

Life has been a bitch to say the least, but the journey has shaped my life as such to where i am able to recognize when I have found her. I have seen the worst that humanity has to offer. I have hated, despised, wanted to see the people that have tried to ruin me suffer, but through it all I have not let those urges change the basic core of me. I have a passion that is unyielding and I have been trying to find the one to give it too. I found her...she is my Angel. When I found her I knew she was the one...I love her with all that I have to give. A moment away from her is painful. It just not becasue she is a new girl. I have had many new girls, but not a single one of them have elicited the emotions I have for her. I know that I can tell her anything and she will not judge me or tell me I am being stupid. She is very beautiful, but there is more to her than her physical beauty. She amazes me with her words, the kindness in her voice, the fire in her eyes, and how she makes time for me. Those are all things that she has given to me and becasue she has, I can finally give her all my love. She brings out the best in me, and becasue she does, there is nothing more that I could ever ask of her. I LOVE YOU MY PRECIOUS ANGEL

I have fucking snapped. I just dont give a fuck anymore. Everyone has turned on me. Even those that have claimed to love me betray me. I just dont have any emotions left anymore, with the exception of hate. "We are the Hate Breed" is taking a life of its own with in me. Its no longer a catchy slogan, its now who i am. I hate, and I dont think that there is a way back for me. Dont try and save me, because I dont want to be saved. Besides you will just turn on me eventually, just like everyone else. What is Hate...ME