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Promises
these thoughts are from Feb
A promise is a commitment. When you keep promises and / or even just remember and acknowledge you are breaking a promise to someone; you tell that person that not only are you a person of your word who values your commitments but that the person you made the promise to is important enough for you to remember your promise.
How much is your word worth?
How much are you worth if your word is worthless?
I don’t ask to always be at the top of your priority list, because I can promise you that you will not always be at the top of mine. It is hubris to think that you should always be at the top of someone’s priority list and not healthy for either party. That said if you tell me I’m a priority in your life, your actions need to prove it. As a champion talker I will affirm actions speak truer then words. It is a fallacy when people say they speak louder, because they are often quieter. Indeed you have to pay attention to someone in order to read their actions, they are rarely loud things. Large loud actions/ gestures often appear to me to be more for the greater audience then the receiver to show the generosity/ kindness of the giver. The most important actions are often the small ones: a gentle touch or taking a moment to send a quiet word that shows I love you, I value you, I cherish you. A consistent action small or large speaks truer then all the words thrown in excuse or defense of the action. A consistent action speaks more of what to expect on a regular basis then the occasional and rare action which attempts to make up for neglectful practices.
More words that I've heard. I love you, you’re wonderful, you’re amazing, you’re beautiful, you’re gorgeous, you’re kind, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, I'm so lucky to have you in my life. I've heard thes words before and often. They are sweet to hear but hollow without corresponding actions and/ or gestures. After years of hearing such words from the people in my life who didn't match actions to them, I have far less faith in these kind of words then I do in the actions and gestures. Part of this is also because I know too well how a well chosen word or phrase can shape someone’s thoughts.
A small bitter poem I wrote Feb that is appropriate to the topic.
I couldn't fall asleep because you did not call
you say you just passed out. Is this true at all?
Or just another case of last priority my friend?
Am I just a toy only here when you wish for joy?
You say that I’m important in what way does this show?
Is it in the magic way that I make your cock GROW?
I have to say, my dear, this ain't a special power
it seems, my dearest, I hear people claim this every hour.
A few new thoughts from this week.
I’m okay with examining my dead horses, they remind me of why I let the horses die.
What happens to love when a promise is broken: Each time you forget or neglect to do the things promised a little piece of my heart breaks away and a little piece of my love for you dies. The piece could be revived and reconnected if you also did sweet gestures and thoughtful things but lately those are missing and if there are not pieces to be revived then a new piece grows.
Love no matter if for a mate, a child, a sibling, or a friend is a fluid thing. And the actions we take and fail to take cause that love to wither or grow in a cycle. Constant growth would be unlikely and unreasonable to expect the withering can act at times as a healthy pruning action making sure that the love doesn't over shadow all other loves in your life. Some start out bigger, others small but it is in how you nuture them that determines the size each day. Some negative actions are not withering but severing and you don't want to take too large a chunk out so have care and prune carefully. Remember some withering or even severing may be allowable and may be even preferable, but negative actions compound and each small bit of neglect or meanness causes the next such action to leave a bigger wound. All healed wounds leave a scar and a trace and too much harm to in an area can make that portion of the love die beyond any attempts to revive. Yes, the love can continue to grow but now there is that wound always present forever.
After many wounds and few healing actions you must ask yourself... "am I still in love or have I just neglected to let go the memory of my love?" It is hard to say "This love is dead." when you look inside you cannot bear to face the truth and mourn the passing of the promise. But each death clears away the chaff in your life and heart and allows more love to take root.
Because I ended the prior part as I did I feel the need to add something I tell my oldest boy when he is struggling with the quandary of who should he love as his parents (Me, his dad, and/ or his step-mom). The heart is a wonderful thing and each time you add a new person to love in your life it gets bigger. And then all three of his parents tell him that we think it is wonderful that he loves all off us.
No one should ever tell someone they need to stop loving someone to focus on or give that love to another person. Love is a gift that can't be forced or bought only nurtured or neglected. As much as we love someone, we may at time realize we need to step back to be healthy (either for them or ourselves). Loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them, merely that you need to weigh your and their feelings against the healthiest, best actions for everyone effected.
Have faith but reserve judgement.
Understand the consequences of your actions, but don't let fear of them keep you from taking the right action.
Love, light and lollipops my friends.
