I'm not a list maker. I'm not overly organized. I'm not what some people would call "anal retentive." And im definitely not the kind of person that makes air quotes when she says "anal retentive." That said, I've made two lists in my life that give a little insight into who I am. Not much, but a little.
One list is the "People I Hate" list. The other is the "People Who Are Not Invited to My Funeral" list. I used to update and revise the "People I Hate" list, but truth be told, it hasn't been updated in years. It's been so long, I don't even know who is on it or where it is. Except for G.E. Smith. I know he was definitely on it. So I can (probably) safely say it hasn't been updated since G.E. Smith was a part of the Saturday Night Live band. I don't know him personally, in case you are wondering. I just always hated the way he mugged at the camera like a skeleton in heat.
The whole funeral thing isn't as morbid as it sounds. I don't have a disease or a death wish. In fact, I plan on living a very, very long life. Its just that in the event some freak thing happens, I want to be prepared. And I want to make sure certain people don't show up and pretend they were my friends, and act all sad and so forth. I have to assume Ill have a birds-eye view of the whole thing, and watching people I dislike feigning sadness at their loss would just bug the hell outta me. I want to be able to enjoy my own funeral. I think I deserve at least that.
