After sitting here and having a little bit of whiskey in my coffee..okay a lot of bit LOL. I have come to some conclusions. I thought perhaps I should share them with you all. Never a good thing me thinking.
1.) Crazy people don't get better. Lets be honest if you are in a clock tower dressed like a batman picking off people with a sniper rifle chances are you are going to be crazy for the rest of your life. I am not talking about people who are quirky god knows I am.
2.) If you are hitting on, hooking up with or trying to hook up with people that are 10+ years younger then you on a regular basis there is something wrong with you. I am not talking about once or twice I mean all the time. So settle down some of you!
3.) Just because I live in a glass house I will not stop throwing stones....so eat me.
4.) Any sort of alcohol goes well with my coffee. (Keep in mind I said I came to some conclusions I did not say any of them will help you.)
5.) 5. True friends don't judge. They advise. They steer. And when all else fails they support. (I am sure there are a few of you that think I mean you. Just so we are clear. NO I do not mean you.)
6.) When it rains on a sunny day. Look around because there is a good chance I just blew into town. Don't ask me why it just seems to always happen.
7.) Rabbits are just creepy.
8.) Clowns don't bother me as much as you would think.
9.) I like most animals more then I like most people.
10.) If home is where the heart is then where ever you are is home. Unless they mean someone else's heart in which case we are all screwed.
These are the top 10 random thoughts of the day. More to come in the near future.
I have spent the last few days thinking about death and how television, movies and books portray it. I want to say for the record it is all lies. When I was 16 years old I was surfing off the coast of Delaware during a storm in December. I wiped on a massive set and my board cracked me in the head knocking me unconcious. I drown that day. My friends were able to pull me out and revive me with CPR but one thing I am certain of is this. I saw NOTHING! There was no semi-nude pottery making with my girlfriend. No tunnel of light with all my friends and family waving to me and telling me to step into the light. Not even a fluffy cloud with angels playing harps or bagpipes or whatever. Now I know what you are thinking my friends. He was 16 so he must have been chuck full of sin. Well of course I was. But then where the hell was my lake of fire with the souls of the damned burning forever. Where was my eternal torment of being thirsty and never being able to reach the pint of Guiness. At the very least maybe a devil with a pitchfork. But no of course not. I am shocked that the media has lied to me like this. I have seen shows on TV where these wing nuts talk about how they saw this and that and it was amazing or scary. How come I didnt see it. Well I guess my only choice now is to go and hang out on the roof of my house wearing a tin foil Pirate Hat and maybe if I am lucky I will get abducted by aliens. Minus the probe that may be fun.
Cheers..and keep watching the skies
So I have decided that I rather enjoy being a drunken slob. That shall be my new goal in life get as hammered as I can on a daily basis. Then just log on to fubar and see how many people I can confuse and or offend.
Of course the only drawback of said plan is the funds to buy the whiskey and Guiness.
Now this is where you my come in my friends. Just send a Dollar or for the Canadians out there a Loonie and finally for the Brits a quid.
To:
Homeless Drunk
PO Box 122
Winnipeg MB, Canada R21 3B7
Thanks in advanced for your cooperation.
On a final note:
If the world is my oyster can't I just drop it on
the rocks to get the goodies inside?
1. I am thy Craig. Thou shalt have no other Craigs before me.
a. This means if you know another Craig he must change his name at once. Or you must start calling him a different name. Like Bob or something.
2.You may not own any images of Craig or Craig's minions.
a. This means if you have or know of any pictures of Craig you must destroy them at once. Really I know there are still some naked pictures floating around please get rid of them thanks.
3.Do not swear falsely by the name of the Craig.
a. Simply put you may not say Fuck Craig. Well unless you intend to. But you get my meaning.
4.Remember Craig day and keep it holy.
a. Craig day is any day that I drink. Which is pretty much most days these days.
5.Honor your father and mother...unless of course you think the father is me. That being the case I was not in the country and it could not be mine.
6. Do not murder. Unless you are in Texas in which case there is the whole he needed killing thing. Then it is okay.
7. Do not commit adultery. Unless she is really hot and not my wife then I will let it slide.
8. Do not steal. Okay I really cant twist this one. Stealing is wrong no matter how you slice and dice it. So it stands.
9.Do not bear false witness against your neighbor unless you stand to make a large sum of cash and cut me in for 25%.
10.Do not covet your neighbor's wife. See 7th Commandment.
11. Thou shalt not drink anything but Jameson Whiskey and Guiness.
I give you these 11 Commandments to help you live you life and stay ahead of the curve. If you break these commandments you can ask forgiveness but be aware there will be a $1,250 per offense to obtain absolution.
