Keyser Soze's blog: "The Lighter Side of Whiskey"

Just poking around and finding some old songs that I like figure I would share them with all of you ;-)

Since I seemed to have been in closure mode and have ended things with my (Cex) and a woman that has been sort of part of my life for the last 5 years I have decided to pick out the best fuck you song I could think of. And so far this is what I have found LOL. Share yours if you have one please :)

Makes Craig a dull boy! Well after not going into work last night then getting called at 11pm to come in. Then getting home at 8am sleeping for an hour I am heading back to work. I really hope that I dont suffer a psychotic break and attack the client with a pizza cutter. If everything is 5x5 today we should finish the contract and have a nice wad of green by Monday (Oh wait for a second I forgot I was in Canada...a nice wad of Pink, Blue, Brown and Green LOL) Then I have to start another contract as well as do some work on the house I will be renting. *sigh* I think I am going to have to take a few weeks off soon and just sleep and drink. Time to go talk to all of you later.

For those of you not aware that would the title of a Nick Cave song. And my theme song. I swear to god that when I am walking down the street that song just plays over and over in my head. I think that everyone should have a theme song. I mean a song that sort of embodies everything about us for good or ill. So my friends I pose this question to you all. What is your theme song? What song rolls around your head day after day?

Well closure mode is back in full swing. I finally made a decision and stuck to it in regards to the Cex(current ex). For those of you not aware of my situation I will give you a quick summary. She is a pain in my ass. I am great. Okay well the truth is we split up back in July. But since then we have been going back and forth trying to figure some things out. For the first month it was if we can work things out between us. After we (read we as I) realized it was impossible to do so. We decided to try to work on a friendship. She proceeded to ignore me for weeks at a time and then chain call me 30 or 40 times in a night until I would answer or text her. Since then we have fought back and forth. So anyway. We started to make a little progress then all of a sudden she would ask me to call and then not be there and not get back to me for a day or so. I finally hit my breaking point on Sunday while in the middle of a talk we start to make a little progress she decides she is starting to get up set and needs to calm down. She asks me to call her Tuesday. So I do. She of course is not there. Finally Today I get an email from her after having pulled 16 or 17 hours at work. She has decided she is too busy to talk on the phone but could we please talk via emails. Using every bit of ability I have in the realm of writing I told her to bite me. Said that the whole being friends thing seems to be unimportant to her and if that is the case I am not going to waste my time composing emails to her about how I feel. (She knows very well I only have one feeling anyway) I guess this should not be in the light side folder but I am to lazy to pick one to stick the rant in LOL. Anyway I feel better now that I have gotten this all of my chest. I think perhaps I should try to get a few hours of sleep. Anyway if any of you guys out there happen to run across a girl five six or so 115 pounds with long red hair named Pam......FUCKING RUN! Oh well time to close the chapter on all that noise. I am off to sleep. I have to rest up for the hunt for the future Ex.

For those of you not aware.... *Stands up* Hi my name is Craig and I am a man whore. I have dated a large amount of women in my life. I am on good terms with most of them. And still talk to on a regular and semi-regular basis with about 20% of them. Yes I know what some of you are thinking....how does that work. Well I don't understand it myself. I have a pretty solid ego. I love myself (sometimes 3 times a day LOL) and I suppose I project that. I guess that attracts women. Who knows, I gave up trying to understand you people awhile ago. All that being said.... It irks me beyond words when (Wait not beyond words since I am going to now toss a bunch at you) somebody that I allow to be a part of my life and spend hours and hours explaining who and what I am. How I will react to situations and that while I may be a man whore I do have a code of morals that I live by. Sure they may not be the same as yours but they work for me. I am a generally nice person. I bend over backwards to help friends and people I hardly know. I forgive so much in people because well I am not perfect so how can I expect others to be as well. (Shh dont tell anyone I said that thing about not being perfect.) But one thing I can not tolerate is being ignored. The fastest way to get me gone from your life is to ignore me. But then there are the rare fucktards that decide they are not only going to ignore me but make that little effort to twist the knife every few weeks. You know the late night phone calls to just "talk" just to try to keep me on the proverbial hook. That my dear ones is the fastest way to get me to turn into a raving foaming at the mouth berserker. I hate when people use my little quirks against me. Now if you will excuse me I have to go sharpen my battle axe and put on my furry cod piece. I will conclude the Blog with the following statement: This blog has nothing to do with anyone that I know from Fubar so settle down!

1. Because I am cute. (well somebody once said I was gorgeous but I think she had her glasses off at the time.) 2. If my family dies in the right order I stand to inherit a lot of money. (Remember the key is in the right order. I have a flow chart all set up.) 3. I never yell. (Well alright I used to never yell but then this run of freaking nuts that I have had the displeasure of dating happened. And I did yell just a tiny bit.) 4. I am great with kids. (Simple reason I act like a kid most of the time so they trust me.) 5. To save me from dating one more psycho. (Come on if you have a heart...marry me and take the whole choice thing out of the equation.) 6. I am amusing. (Generally more when I dont intend to be amusing then when I do.) 7. I am unpredictable. (This is such a bonus. You will never get bored. Just when you think you have me figured out...Poof I am somebody new LOL) 8. I can cook. (Of course I tend to do this while I am drunk and naked. But unless I am frying bacon it all works out) 9. Just so you can stand in front of the thousands of ex-girlfriends of mine and say IN YOUR FACE! (Come on you know ya wanna!) 10. You fill in the last reasons my readers ;-)

I know I am not suppose to be here but...I thought I had to add this last blog before I took my little break. So I have decided that I am going to get a new Tattoo. Right on my left ass cheek I am going to have a warning label printed. "Warning: Use of Craig may cause psychosis and turn otherwise normal women into complete Batshit Crazy Bitches from hell." And yes I am aware that Batshit should either be two words but it is my word so deal with it. After working for god knows how many hours my ex started to chain call the cell phone. I ignored it...all 35 times. Then finally I fall asleep and I have no idea how the hell this happened. I woke up talking to her on the cell. I let her bitch at me for awhile. Then hung up. Now a day later She managed to get into my Myspace account. I think I left my password saved on her computer LOL. She wrote this blog about how EVIL I am and such. It was pretty harsh. But for the most part the people that read just assumed that she was just one of my many batshit crazy Exs. I removed it but decided to not write a response or even explain to my friends over there what had happened (other then the few that sent me messages saying I had been hacked LOL). Now she called me again last night. From a number I didnt recognize. So of course I answer. We had a nice 45 min fight. Where I pretty much told her what I thought of her and that at this point I was so angry with her that I really did not want to see her again ever. She screamed at me. Back and forth we went. Then when I had pretty much run out of things to bitch about and she did as well. She asks "So where does this leave us?" I had no response to that. So we are suppose to speak again in a few days. She wants to get together for coffee so we can talk. I again told her that I had no desire to see her. But would give her a call. So this are the things I learned this week: 1. Women are freaking nuts. (Well I knew that but this just helped drive that point home.) 2. It seems I drive women batshit crazy. No matter how normal they are when I start dating them they end up nuts when we are done. 3. If I am to date anyone in the future some sort of Hazmat suit must be worn at all times. 4. That being single bores the hell out of me. 5. Did I mention being single bores me...oh yea I did. 6. Future Ex Girlfriends will be required to fill out an application before I will even consider dating them. (And a release in case they end up going insane.) 7. For dating I should have a Psychiatrist on retainer and require the women to have a quick evaluation before we date. Anyway good luck all. I am off I shall return in time even if it is just to toss a blog or two up.

I have always heard you learn something new everyday. I suppose this is true. Of course I tend to wander around in a daze most of the time being distracted by shiny objects. So I miss alot. Last night I was working. I managed to gash my thumb open. I learned two very important things. 1. Having a bunch of beer in your system helps blood squirt all the hell over the place. 2. Napkins and electrical tape seem to make a good bandage for squirting thumb wounds. I think the phrase squirting thumb wounds should be right up there with the phrase sucking chest wound in cool things everyone should see at least once in their life. Well 45 mins give or take before the day is finally over. So I am going to smoke some shisha...have another beer and just relax until I am out of here.