Big Dog's blog: "The incoherent ramblings of a broken mind"

A couple of weeks ago some schlimiel got into my truck and took my CD collection. Being a poor fuck, it took me several years to compile those few discs. It took me 6 months to find "The Rolling Stones Hot Rocks 1964-1971". I have had very bad hearing forever, almost. Now the few sounds that gave me an entrance into a new world are gone. I have copies of some of the songs, but it's just not the same. I can't afford to replace them. Any of them, right now. It will probably take me years to build my collection again. I doubt that whomever took my discs reads this, but if they do, PLEASE bring them back to me. No questions asked, no cops. I just want them back. You violated the sanctity of my vehicle, don't destroy my sanity. I'm having a rough time right now, please give me back my peace. That's all I ask.

I guess I don't understand the "cosmic laws" or whatever the fuck. I missed a successful suicide by 2 seconds, drowning death by 20 seconds, 2 MASSIVE heart "episodes"......The fucker stopped beating and went into fibrilations for about 45 mins. both times!!!! I missed another near suicide by a mere 1/10000th of a second. (Firearm attempt) Now I am all fucked up, crippled, hurtin', and now I have food trying to kill me. High cholesterol, high B.P. spells, and "pre"diabetes. I have had several concussions which have since evolved into brain damage. I had to suffer much more abuse other than the usual clumsy kid shit. I have been beaten pretty bad, knocked around, (my first concussion happened @ age 2 from being thrown into my headboard by my father). Then the molestation started, which quickly evolved into rape. If you know what "REDWINGS" are, I got mine at age 3.5. Just fuckin' peachy, right? I guess I just want to understand why I had to go through MUCH MORE FUCKING BULLSHIT than anyone else. What I wouldn't give to go back to work or school or both. Now It takes me 45 minutes typing and correctin' a coupla fuckin' paragraphs. I'm so fucking burnt out from this shit. Aww, who fuckin' cares?

Have you ever had one of those times when you wish you felt alive again? I am there now, and I ain't sure what to do. I have done much evil, much more good, and now I can't decide which works best. I don't do nasty drugs. I don't drink as much as I could. I don't smoke but for prayer. I guess I am a pretty boring guy in those respects. However, I have hunted, I've killed, and I LIKED IT! Maybe a bit too much. Oh fuckin' well. Coulda done alot for the Mafia, maybe even the military. But I'm too fuckin' gimped up now. I can still do the work, but not as clean, so, not gonna work. The "If Only" shit gets old. C'Est la vie!