I guess if am gonna tell this story...I have to bring it all out. As I have already written, my last draw showed my hormone numbers dropping very slowly. The dr that has been keeping an eye on me told me that I could still keep coming in and having the draws done to keep an eye on the numbers. Well yesterday I get a call from a nurse telling me that I cant go in anymore because it wont do any good and the tests are "costly". After hanging up, I started crying because those tests are the only link I have to see that I am getting better and now they want to take them away from me when it looks like my numbers might be stopping??!! Mike and I have talked about going to see someone else in Madison if this is the case because we dont even know if everything has left my body and yet they are telling me to wait another 2 weeks to see if I have a monthly. ITS ALREADY BEEN 2.5 MONTHS SINCE I LOST THIS BABY....IT SHOULD HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED!! So last night I couldnt sleep....stayed up til 12:30 in the morning and went to lay down and still couldnt sleep. I tossed and turned and Mike woke up because of me being restless. He held me and I cried and I told him that I cant live this way anymore and if I have to continue on this way I dont want to live anymore. I cant stand knowing that I am kinda sorta pregnant but NOT...its killing me. I just need this to be over....its not like I will get my baby back after suffering through this so ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
