Elf's blog: "The few...the proud...the blogs made from home"

I have a good reason to dislike February. 7 years ago I learned that my dad that I had finally gotten back in touch with and was going to visit again had cancer.... On leap day, Feb. 29, 2000 he died with me ever having hugged him since my senior year (10 years ago). I didn't talk to him for 3 years because of something petty. I thought he hadn't come to my graduation. Then he skipped town and wrote to me while I was in college. I didn't write back becuase I was angry. After moving to CA and starting to miss him I sent him a Christmas card in 1999. It came back to me with a different address and so I sent it on. After another two weeks he got it and called me right away. I realized how much I missed him that Jan. 12th. He told me that the best gift he received that year was my card with my phone number. You see, when I was 3 my mother divorced my dad, Jim, and remarried my legal father, Ed. My dad thought it would be best for me to grow up with Ed as my father. So he legally gave up all claims to me as his daughter. I grew up and I still call Ed "Daddy". I met Jim again when I was young and wanted to know. Legally I wasnt supposed to have contact with him till I was 18. I'm glad I didn't wait. Jim came to live with my mom and my brother and i long after she left daddy and stayed with us for a year. I still have video of him at the New Year's Party we threw. Then the whole graduation thing happened and I didn't talk to him again. After he died I couldn't go to the funeral. I sang Amazing Grace for him in front of my choir at the time he was being buried. It was all I could offer. I learned a year later that he had indded come to my graduation. He hadn't said anything or come to hug me because Daddy was there and he didn't want to cause a scene as I was only 16. I hated myself then, knowing that he had come and I simply thought he didn't...I never even asked him. It's the one greatest regret in my life so far. I still can hear him, 7 years later, saying on the other end of the phone line, "Hey sweetheart. How's my little girl today?" I miss him more than I'll ever be able to explain. And yet, he died on leap day so I don't even have a single day every year that I can cry. Just once every 4 years which I'm sure was a great joke of his. So I cry for two days in between. I've upload some scans of some old photos. He's gone. But I still miss him. I love you, Dad.

Yep, that's right. I'm at home and actually writing a blog. Not sure why. Just drove back from Cleveland yesterday. I actually made damn good time. 8 hours exactly. I was a speed demon. *grins* Got home and the place was clean. So I'm not complaining. The washer drainage pipe is clogged so I had to call maintence to get that fixed either today or tomorrow. I do have to drop by work for a few moments today and then I'm gonna go out with an old friend to look at computers. For those of you who aren't aware, when I dated this guy back in high school he was such a Mac freak that I swore I'd never lay my fingers on one. And hell would have to freeze over and the Devil dance ballet in a tutu before I'd consider buying one. Let's just say that I'll be watching Swan Lake while bundled up like an Eskimo today. We're going by his old work, Mac Authority, to see if I can swing a line of credit to get myself a MacBook Pro. I'm also gonna try to convince my boss that it I had a laptop I could spend more time working on the stupid webpage for work while I"m traveling and in Vegas next week. Plus it woudl come in handy all the time. THen I figure I'll come back home, do laundry if the washer is fixed, get my dress ready for new years and veg out to some anime the the rest of the day. Which reminds me, I need some more space for pictures for new years! So I either have to delete a few (not sure how many yet) or I need to level. Thank goodness I'm only a thousand and some away. I'm actually really happy with my dress this year, and considering I'm gonna be at the club till they close at 7am....I think there will be lots of pictures. I'll be sure to post them no matter what. :) Okay...off to shower, dress and veg some more before heading out. *hugs* See you all around later!