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What are you waiting for?
The enemy called love is shapeless, faceless, and it envelops us all in a cloud of jealousy, ignorance, stupidity and outright madness. Most of us take it for granted and are too afraid to face the reality of accepting true love when it looks us dead in the eye. Most people run and hide because they are too afraid of true love, or they blame the world around them, or their own problems, or whatever pathetic excuses they use to mask their ego and their own self hatred. If you love someone, why run away and hide? I always thought true love was not being able to live without someone, yet why do people say they need time, space, closure, whatever? Maybe I am way too cynical, but I do know this. Eventually TRUE love will find me. And that true love will not run away and hide when the chips are down, love will not cheat on me with people I am close with, love will not blame everyone else for how fucked their reality is. When love finds me, even though it has beaten the shit out of me, I will still embrace love. I will be the person that will be everything for that one special person. I will step up and be the man my love needs and not what she wants. I will be the living embodiment of what true love is supposed to be when I find the ONE. Unlike some people. I will not throw the word love around freely and while love is beating the shit out of me right now, I know that eventually I will look love in the face and thank it for all of the lessons that I have learned while taking the beatings I am taking. And for molding me into the person who will finally understand what love truly is. Then and only then will love no longer be my enemy. Adios Bitches!!!
The walls are closing in. My paranoia is driving me insane. I am faced with the harsh realities of my own dangerous thoughts, actions, and I am locked inside my own head looking for the keys to my personal sanity. The medicine only helps for so long, but all it does is mask the true pain below the surface. My heart is now merely an empty shell, a used car that has been scrapped, a lost and damned ship. The inaneness of my previous actions, my belief in a love that is everlasting, the constant pounding of my head against the brick wall in the belief that I will actually break through eventually, and mainly my desire of instant gratification have put me in this warped reality, this realm of madness, this locked room of lunacy.
My tension is at its peak. I feel as if the walls are closing in. The choices select people make, my own blindness, my stupidity, and my intense desire to believe that the perfect person resides in this imperfect world, all influences of a reality that I can not bear to comprehend. My blood boils, my heart burns in fear and self loathing. I walk the razor's edge, wondering all the while when the slip is finally going to happen, when will it be my time? When will the world even itself out and engorge the self centered and the belligerent?
