Vampire Lord Greeter COUNTED SORROWS's blog: "the dark poems and thoughts i have"

what's worse the dagger being stabbed through you or is it the poison that you get infected with? thats how the heart usually feels when love is used only to hurt. sure you dont mean to hurt but the word can hurt no matter if its the intention using it that way or not. you learn even the person you fell for first harder than anyone you will ever fall for and the first person you will fall in love with its like balancing the dagger on your heart. whether to push it in and be prepared to feel the pain, or have that person knock it away that is the chance of love. but when it gets pushed in no matter how much you think your healed it still hurts and you dont want to feel any love anymore for anyone. what make it hurts more is that sometimes it can be the person your so in love with that does the pushing of the dagger into your heart, and they do it without hesitating. they do not even care to notice the tears coming out of your eyes and the asking of why your doing this? they only say their sorry and they understand. when in reality you think their words will let you be okay you think that maybe just hearing those words "it's going to be alright" will soothe you. but then again your wrong its that numbing feeling you get from the poison of the daggers tip. the numbing before your heart dies, before it cries out its tears of blood for the last time. you think to yourself....why do you let this happen your so crushed you dont even know which way is up and you no longer think of the word love as a emotional love thing something to let them know they will be with you now its just a weapon to kill the person's heart what happened to when honesty was better than saying you were telling the truth but deep down inside.....you weren't and completely change that person's life forever and make them lost in a dark abyss when in reality thats where they want to be now since its the only place that feels so good anymore....

i feel like everything is eating up inside of me....no not a sickness well not physical anyways..this insanity growing inside my heart which was once so pure but corrupted from this odd world....to live in this dark insanity is killing me on the inside as it eats on my heart and changes it. i think what am i to do anymore? what am i supposed to believe? mainly what am really to feel? i do not feel like loving i honestly don't know what to do anymore it is not anger i feel....no i might be a mean person but only to myself i am mean to...sadness? no i do not really feel that way deppressed? could be but of what? that is truly the question it usually was cause of love and heart ache but i pushed that off...now its something new that is eating me up inside i do not even know anymore. everything is blur to me like i have had too much to drink and i cannot really see straight....this is not something normal...for this is new what i feel it could be depression after all but yet...everything is eating up in me tearing apart i fall into a darkness staring into that same darkness and thinking constantly of anything that comes to mind and the questions it like why am i here does not make sense i let this dark depressing feeling succumb me and take control of me for which i do not even know myself at all...... again this is just a journal/poem i guess if you can call it of something is in my head...well if you like awesome if you don't i understand take care...