AS I WAS PREPARING FOR YET ANOTHER DATE, I STARTED TO CALCULATE MY OUT OF POCKET EXPENSES. LET'S SEE, IF YOU WANT TO LOOK GOOD FOR YOUR DATE, YOU START WITH A MANICURE, PEDICURE AND IF YOU SPENT THE DAY SHOPPING FOR JUST THE RIGHT OUTFIT YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET A SPA PEDICURE WHICH IS MORE EXPENSIVE BUT LETS FACE IT LADIES, IT FEELS SO DAM GOOD! OK, AS PER MY CALCULATIONS THAT'S $25 FOR THE SPA PEDI, $17 IF YOU ARE GETTING A FILL IN, $30 IF YOU GETTING NEW TIPS ON BECAUSE THE OLD ONES ARE SEPARATING FROM YOUR REAL NAILS, AND ITS ALL ICKY LOOKING, LETS NOT FORGET THE TIPS TO THOSE POOR LADIES THAT HAVE TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE'S CRUSTY FEET! I CALCULATED $65 FOR ME. NOW IT'S ON TO GET THE EYE BROWS AND UPPER LIP WAXED(OUCH) WHO SAID BEAUTY COMES WITHOUT PAIN? I GET MINE THREADED THAT'S $12, INCLUDES $2 TIP. I'M AT $72 NOW. LADIES AND IF WE ARE GOING TO GIVE UP THE NANI YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO GET THAT BRAZILIAN WAX AND THAT'S $30 EXTRA! NOW ON TO THE BEAUTY SALON FOR OUR WASH, BLOW OUT AND IN MY CASE, EL DOOBEE, SOME OF YOU YOUNGER GIRLS CALL IT THE WRAP! DO YOU GET THE FUNNY LOOKS WHEN YOU WALK DOWN THE STREET WITH YOUR HEAD FENCED IN BY A BUNCH OF BIG ASS BOBBY PINS? OH, WELL WHATEVER! ANYWAYS, MY DOMINICAN MAMI CHARGES ME $20 DEPENDING WHAT I WANT DONE, THEN I GIVE THE HAIR WASHER $2 FOR YANKING THE CRAP OUT OF MY HAIR! I TIP MY STYLIST $5. THERE GOES ANOTHER $27. OK I SUCK IN MATH, I AM NOW AT $99.00 GOD FORBID THAT MY ROOTS ARE SHOWING OR IN MY CASE MY GRAY HAIR AND I NEED A TOUCH UP THATS $100 EXTRA, YOU SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS? SO THE NAILS, TOES, AND HAIR ARE IN CHECK, NOW YOU ARE RUNNING WITH AN ICED LATTE FROM D AND D AND A DOUGHNUT IN YOUR HANDS, ALL THE WHILE COMPLAINING THAT YOU SHOULD OF HAD THE LITE LATTE INSTEAD BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOUR FAT ASS IS NOT FITING IN THAT TIGHT ASS DRESS YOU GOT IN YOUR CLOSET. BUT YOU SAY THE HELL WITH THAT CRAP, BECAUSE THE CARMEL SWIRL, WITH THE WHIPPED CREAM TASTES SOOOO MUCH BETTER AND YOU DESERVE IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING AROUND ALL DAY WITHOUT ANY DAM BREAKFAST OR LUNCH AND GOD ONLY KNOWS WHERE THE HELL THIS DATE IS GOING TO WIND UP TAKING YOU OUT TO DINNER! (WE NEED TO KEEP UP OUR STRENGTH, RIGHT LADIES?) COST OF A COFFEE AND DOUGHNUT $6. WE FINALLY GET TO THE MALL AND WE HEAD TO OUR FAVORITE STORE TO FIND THE RIGHT OUTFIT TO IMPRESS OUR GUY. IF YOU KNOW HOW TO SHOP, WE BARGIN HUNT, SALES, CLEARANCE, COUPON, WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SAVE A BUCK. I WALK OUT WITH A PURCHASE OF $100. WAIT, GOTTA HAVE THE MATCHING BRA AND PANTY SET FROM VICTORIA SECRET, THAT'S ANOTHER $50 AND WE ARE NOT DONE! WE NEED TO ASSESSORISE, SO WE GET THE MATCHING SHOES, BAG AND THE RIGHT JEWELRY TO BRING IT ALL TOGETHER, ALL RIGHT READY? THE GRAND TOTAL FOR OUR DATE IS ROUGHLY THE GRAND TOTAL OF $350!!!!! BUT DEFINATELY NO LESS THAN $200. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME BEGIN TO ADD UP YOUR GETTING READY FOR A DATE EXPENSE AND LOOK AT THE TOTAL! SO NEXT TIME A MAN COMPLAINS THAT TAKING A WOMAN OUT IS TO DAM EXPENSIVE AND SHE BETTER BE WORTH IT, YOU CAN ASK YOURSELF IF HE IS WORTHY TO BE IN THE COMPANY OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN SUCH AS YOURSELF. BOTTOM LINE IS THIS SKIP THE DATE, GET A FEW OF YOUR GIRLS TOGETHER AND SPEND THAT MONEY ON YOURSELVES IN A HOT SPOT AND LET THE GUYS BUY YOU A DRINK!!!! PUTTING YOUR HANDS UP FOR STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMEN, PRICELESS!
