Bound by reality, driven by emotion he allows himself to fall in love knowing all well it is just a fantasy. Who could love him when he knows nothing of love? Just an average man nothing stands out another number another body another shadow on this earth that will fade with the darkness. Blending in with all shadows a part of the dust that gets swept away with no mind. He is just a friend never making it further always in the back of the mind there only when needed. The reality is just that of a cloud never thought of unless it rains. Like the sunrise taking the back seat to the sunset. Two equally beautiful occurrences yet most sleep through one never seeing it just like the masses in the streets of New York. The majority just do the bump and grind passing by thousands everyday and not seeing them just a mass just faces that have no meaning just in your way. Emotionally they are just images of data in your mind just ignoring them just like breathing, it is there yet you don’t think about it.
This man builds beliefs of bits and pieces of information as he clings to the glue of imagination that fills in the blanks; right or wrong. Putting these pieces together to complete a reality of the imagination something not of sustenance yet it is so real he is left to believe in it. The very thought is bound by emotion that is so real he finds himself sitting in a sea of false hopes. Drowning in pain that is created by his need to believe his need to be wanted this desire strangles him like the reality of waking up alone. Loneliness, desire and need cry out in his want to be loved in return. Dark cold nights are the reality for him the empty home the empty bed at the end of each day. If only someone would notice him. If only someone would just pay attention a light in his window of deception a reality check at the back door of pain. For his pain is loneliness created by the need for love something he knows nothing about like an uneducated person never taught just left in the darkness. For the best teacher is that of just doing it blindly the best way we can. We will learn from our downfalls and just continue in life when we do the right thing. For learning to fly can only be accomplished by taking that first step off the ledge and that belief that you can do it you shall allow yourself to soar and any thought of failure shall only bring death.
So it comes down to the battle between his mind and his heart. On one hand he has reality (his mind) and the other hand he has hope (obviously his heart). In front of him the reality of a woman the battlefield is the need to be loved. The woman is neither an equation not of predictability nor that of understanding. Words and actions are the pieces of a puzzle that build the battlefield that the heart and mind must duel. For the woman is neither his to have nor is she one to be governed. She will do as she needs and not that of what he needs for his needs are not hers to worry about for her needs are her reality. Two worlds so different yet each is in need of the same desires needs and wants. The mind knows she is out of reach and yet the heart has the desire the need to be loved. Outside influences battle alongside that of the mind proving that she is just fantasy just a want and is untouchable. People warn him people tell him he is a fool all ammunition for the brains attack of that that is real against that of hope and desire the hearts main stronghold. IS he a fool for wanting to believe she loves him wants him desires him or is his heart the one that has the true knowledge of reality. The heart has been wrong before leaving it crushed and torn left empty and cold protecting itself from other harms by building walls of insecurities.
This battle will continue as long as he wants as long as she is there for him to desire and need. This battle will of course contain pain and happiness as does any battle. Pain is a constant a reality that is passed off as normal like the sunrise comes first. Pain is dealt with by the knowledge that there is nothing else. For happiness is but a fantasy an illusion. It was asked of him “what if that of which you thought was happiness was just that; a thought.” Were you truly happy or did you think you were happy. Is his joy is his happiness for her just that of a thought an imagination a false sense of reality; if so, the mind will win and that of reality that of pain and depression shall conquer the battlefield in darkness and pain once again.
But “What IF”….
