Vixen's blog: "The Alter Reality that is Vixen"

The memories flow even when you wish them not to, They wrap themselves around you and awaken who you used to be. Once opened they can't be contained They seek you out and call you by past names. Its in the blood, its in your genes. You can try to escape them but its not within your means The rhythum flows like a long forgotten dance Entwining them with now you can't escape your past. Eons come and eons go Time isn't linear it just flows Like a web you stay entwined with the same people time after time Like celtic knotwork a perfect maze Beginning without end we start another phase Does destiny control us or do we make our own Perhaps we choose to repeat the things that feel like home We weave a pattern throughout the realms We each create our own heaven or hell So stop and listen softly to things that you once knew We each walk through the realms holding pieces to renew In this time and the next The cycle will repeat Sometimes we are but pawns in a tale told long ago Until we change the pattern and alter a piece of our soul

Sometimes when I feel Haunted I write and here is a little something. Now you will understand why Poe is one of my Favorite writers. I just free flow write sometimes and let whatever comes out , out. I am the one who waits, The gods sent me back across the ocean And almost broke my soul and spirit But they said you must go for there is a man your blood was meant to combine with. I feel so lost and weary; he is blind he cannot see me. Why did the gods send me across the ocean where I feel broken? Why could they have not left me and sent him, So much pain, so much tribulation, using all my strength until I just want my soul to be frozen so I can feel no more. I am the catalyst, I am the gate, I am the one who waits. The words drive me to madness and frustration But I won't beg my gods for mercy; its not in my nature. So many realms and lifetimes have they tried to break me; perhaps if I would surrender they would give me peace but I cannot, my blood won't let me. The same thing that made me come out of the void won't let me return to that blessed nothingness before form was created, when I just was. I try to block the power that flows in me, afraid to release it and look it full in the face Holding it so controlled as if the wave of it if released would burn this realm like a huge surge of fire. I hear the mortals thoughts, hear their conversation about me, like tuning in a radio; their anger amplifies what I hear. Its hard to touch them, when I do I see and feel them; it hurts. The mortal blood in my veins burns me like something alien, like a virus, injected to keep me in this realm. It flows separate than the blood of my father and creates its own conflict. I came to this place of wind and water and fertility. My foster father calls and tried to comfort me The winds caress my skin, the waters cleanse me, and the smell of the salt fills my senses. He grants me precious moments of peace. My brothers and sisters of the Green World speak to me and make me feel like the child I was so long ago. Time folds so old but yet so young; not linear. I am in more than one time so confusing for my mortal mind I see myself in triplicate, its hard to define boundaries. Well, that's the end of it it stops as abruptly as it comes. lol See why I tell people to stay out of my mind, it can be a scary place. One day i'll post one of my light moments. lol Oh in this particular one the foster father I refer to is Mannanan Mac Lir, a god, some call him Irish but in reality his origin is not known. he is associated with the sea.

Above All Let Me Have Honor For Honor even above Love is Worth A Thousand Deaths, A Thousand Agonies. For they can take Everything from You, But Never the Truth, Never Your Word, Never Your Honor. Your Word and Your Name , they will survive long after You are Gone. Lies will always be Uncovered even if you have to cross Generations, the Truth will be brought into the Light. Have Faith and hold True to Yourself. Know Who and What You are and never let the complications of others make you feel that Lies and Dishonor will Not be Revealed. In the Times of the Fire all their deceptions will be Burned Clean and they will be made to Answer and be brought Low. Will you Grant them Grace or will you Serve Them Justice? Choose Wisely. This was something i dreamed. I was addressing a group of people in what felt like was some type of temple, but it just struck me so I decided to put it here.

IMBAS In a beam of moonlight In a reflection of a prism of a raindrop Can you feel the past, present, and future all intertwined? Like lace or a spider's web So intricate that you wonder at the meaning. In your heart , your soul do you feel a sensation coming over you? An overwhelming energy that is beyond yourself And you speak as the oracle and you feel so insignificant And wonder will anyone believe? Do you listen to the wind in the leaves and the sun touch your body And think what language have I lost? Do you question, do you tire of people not believing? Or do you just deliver the message and then smile and say it is their path to choose And let them find their own way out of the mists

Oh my gods, I just got back from a kayak trip and I feel like I died and went to heaven. I have a kayak I named Gwinivere cuz she has such sweet lines. grins. Today I kayaked out to an island near where I live in Florida and honestly I just cried from the beauty of it all it touched me so deeply. Its everything its so much its all the things I forget are out there beyond the stress of my job and the heartbreak this world can give ya. It brings me back to this is why my heart beats and my soul sings. That is just how intense being on the water is to me. The water was so sublime. The sky was so blue today and it reflected that in the water. The waves gently lapping the edges catching the sunlight until it glittered like diamonds. The sound of the waves caressing the shore. I walked out into in it, the water around the island only comes thigh high and I felt like a goddess coming out of the waves, the water and the sun caressing my body until you felt like someone else entirely. It touches all your senses, your smell, your sight, your touch. The beauty just looking out at it was overwhelming and the smell of the salt water making you think back to creation itself and the caress of the sea winds upon you so intense. I found starfish and so many beautiful shells. And all the sea birds were there flying and diving for food. I luv the pelicans they are so awesome when they glide low and hug the water, like some ancient dinosaur. There are mangrove trees growing there the roots making such artwork such beauty. Like some ancient land you feel as if you were back in time. Sometimes I get angry and embittered and disheatened but days like this I feel as if I truly were a goddess blessed to walk on earth, as if nothing else mattered , i totally lose myself in what could be and remember when i was young and not jaded and how much i believed in luv and goodness and mankind. lol. Yeah i was raised on fairy tales. I just wish i could take everyone who reads this blog with me for one day , take them there and weave the magic all around them, take all their pain away , and make them believe in new beginnings. Luv you all, forgive any typoes