xLx's blog: "words"

They arrive in a menacing whirlwind

A whirlwind of painful emotions

They lift me up in their upheaval

Slamming into me over and over again

I would rather feel pain, true physical pain,

than feel these chaotic emotions

They are tearing my head up inside

claws rending my flesh viciously

I'm breaking down slowly, I cannot last much longer

I can feel my strength slowly fading away

The stresses of my everyday life are too much

I'm losin the never-ending battle for my sanity

The two anchors that once held me so steady upon this river

Are breaking away, leaving me to sink into darkness

They want nothing to do with me, they want freedom

My heart is torn asunder, confusion running its course

Like a poison threatening to suck the life of me

But I have no one to blame but myself for that idiocy

I made a mistake and it will forever cost me

And he will have a secret place in my heart for always

This is all too much to bear; I feel the walls closing in

The need to break free imminent, as the whirlwind continues

It's driving me down, digging me so deep into the ground

I'm buried alive, I can't breathe, I can't think, I'm fading

My nightmare is drawing closer, it's only weeks way

A morbid anniversary haunting me every year, dragging me back

Waiting to be relived in my dreams violently overtaking me

I pray that I don't fall asleep, to keep it from claiming me

But here I stand alone, bracing myself for its arrival

There is nothing I can do to stop it, sleep will come eventually