Thanatos's blog: "Thanatos' Rant, Raves and Musings"

Where did my life go?!?! Just yesterday I was 18 and getting out of high school and today I looked in the mirror and some 45 year old dude was looking back at me!!!! WTF Happened?!?! I know, it has to one of those consciousness transference devices that put your mind in someone else's body!! Either that or some fucked up voodoo spell that changes you like on Freaky Friday or something! Then again, maybe it's just my own mortality creeping in on my body while my mind is still stuck in non-linear limbo. When you are in your teens and early 20's, you think that time stands still and that you will live forever.....You are "bulletproof". Getting older is the last thing you think about, and is only something that other people do.....OLD PEOPLE!!! HOLY SHIT!! THEY LIVE!!! But we don't stay the same forever, and as much as we don't want to admit or acknowledge it, we DO grow older.....even when, like myself, we fight it tooth and nail. Why the hell should I get old?! I still think like a teenager....HELL, I still act like a teenager! With the exception of drinking like a fish, I can still do anything I did then......the drinking like a fish then is why I can't do it now, thanks to losing a gall bladder over it. My eyes need reading glasses to see close up, but my overall sight is better than it was then. I weight about the same - give or take a few pounds either way, depending on what's going on in life. Kids like me because I'm a big kid with power now.....lol I love the music now, no matter what kind it is. I still keep an open mind and have never closed my mind to new ideas, concepts or my philosophy of life. I can still relate to life as a teenager moreso than many adults. So why the hell do I have to grow old?! Shouldn't you only age to that of how you act? I know many people in their 20's who act like they are in their 70's.....shouldn't THEY be the ones who have to be the old farts?!?! Why should I have to shy away from the nightclubs so I don't have to be the awkward "weird old guy" in their dancing....I LOVE TO DANCE! I just get the weird looks when I dance to trance or more modern music. Why the hell do I have to be the one who gets weird looks while driving down the street in the summer, with my windows down, and having my rap cranked with my subs thumpin'?! (IF IT'S TOO LOUD - YOU'RE TOO FUCKING OLD!!!) Why the hell does everyone have to be so shocked that I have 24 piercings?! You younger people - LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP AS WELL!!! Don't be so quick to judge me for the way I am when you don't want adults judging you for the way you are!!! I'm not trying to be cool or relive my youth......I NEVER FUCKING LEFT IT!!! I'm just doing the same things I've ALWAYS done in life - ENJOYING IT!! I have NEVER tried to "fit in" in my entire life, teens to now, and I'm sure as hell not going to start! I like rap, trance, industrial and other music. I WATCH SPONGEBOB!!! I listen to Miley Cirus......The Jonas Brothers and I have NOTHING but MP3s for music! And I really do get Apple Jacks and Cinnamon Toast Crunch!!! Just because I have more life experience doesn't mean that we don't have many of the same interests and likes. And I sure as hell don't want to be treated the way so many younger adults dislike being treated! I DO look in the mirror on rare occasions.....I only have one in the entire house....I know how I look. I try not to look too long when I do look for fear that it might actually convince me to "act" my age. I do recognize my mortality now, unlike 20+ years ago. I know that I have, perhaps, 15 years of life left in me.....at least I hope for my kid's sake I make it that many years. I've lived a hard life. Too many drugs, too many drinks, too many days awake at a time, living like there was no tomorrow. I still only sleep a minimum amount of time and, more than I should, do still stay awake for two or three days at a time sometimes. I eat crappy foods, smoke WAY too much and NEVER go to a doctor unless I'm pretty much carried there by someone......I can count the number of doctors visits in my adult life on my fingers. All of this has taken a toll on my body and I do know that....I feel it every single day. But I keep pushing it, and I will until I do finally drop.....and I plan on going out hard, just like I have lived! My best advice for everyone is to live every day as if it were your last......AND GET RID OF YOUR MIRRORS AFTER YOU TURN 25!!!!!!!!!

I haven't been on fubar long, just a few days as a matter of fact, but wanting to get points I have been jumping right on in their and trying to do ratings on people I run across. Therein lies the problem. I'm an honest person, most thing WAY too much so, as a matter of fact. My wife says that I am honest to the point and being cruel and sometimes passing that point completely. But I don't believe in little white lies and I don't believe in calling a pig's ear a silk purse....things are what they are and you might as well accept that fact. There is where the problem is. I have looked all around fubar, rating people and just looking at profiles....mainly of women, since I have no interest in men for either friends nor other distractions in life. What I find disturbs me about as bad as MySpace disturbs me, just in a more adult fashion. To date, I just haven't really found many women on here that are all that attractive and the ones that are, are so stuck on themselves that what beauty there might be on the surface is completely washed away in their self-love. Then again, there seem to be quite a few of the plain and somewhat less attractive ones that have somehow bought into the ratings they get from guys. I hate to break it to them, but the guys on here will generally give you a "10" if you have boobs and something of a heartbeat!! Now I'm not saying I'm a prize to look at in any fashion. I know that I may be attractive to some and just plain ugly to others. I'm just me and claim no delusions of grandeur as to my looks. But at least I recognize that about myself and don't go around plastering crap on my page about how utterly magnificent and sexy I am like I see a LOT of people doing......quite frankly, it's somewhat sickening. Now I agree that it's important to have self-esteem and a favorable self-image.....don't get me wrong. But there is a difference in that and what I've seen on here. The bar atmosphere of the site seems right in line, because most of the people on here seem to either see others through "beer goggles", or see themselves through the great "beer mirror".....reality doesn't seem to come into play much in either case. Of course, I could be somewhat wrong in this assessment. After all, I have always heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....even if the beholder may have 20/500 vision with corrective lenses. My idea of beauty may be slightly skewed from the average person on here....or they could be passing out "10's" like beads at Mardi Gra for anyone who flashes just a tad of breast in their directions - which would actually seem more like the guy thing to do. Either way, I'll just keeping looking around fubar for the woman that has decent looks, seems intelligent with a good sense of humor (about herself and the world) and has that proper ratio of humility and sensuality. I might actually find her if I try hard enough. Then again, I don't really need another woman in my life....I have a wonderful wife and a wonderful lover who both provide me with everything a guy could want......but it's still fun to look around all the same. I think that a good New Year's resolution for some on here would be to find some of the humility that I spoke of. To not think that they are all that a bag of chips for EVERY guy that swings their way.....same can be said of the guys as well. And SOME should possibly think about making a rehab site like fubar to see if they can't put down the beer goggles and fight a REALLY good optometrist in their area.