When I was growing up, there were people on tv who had to Narful the Garthunk.
When I was growing up, Micheal Jackson was black.
When I was growing up, a hairy brown alien with a suspicious nose who ran around eating pussy was one of the most popular shows on tv for kids.
When I was growing up, nobody tried to sleep with the president and show the dress to friends.
When I was growing up, the trash heap was a smartass and the builders hated those damn fraggles.
When I was growing up, John Candy was the funniest fat man on tv. (where did all our funny fat men go?)
When I was growing up, my favorite tv show had characters named Ug and Donkeylips.
When I was growing up, going-out meant you held hands between classes and chased each other around the schoolyard because you stole their trapper keeper.
Where I grew up, people ate pizza with mushrooms and jalapenos.
Where I grew up, getting beaten with a chancla was not unusual.
Where I grew up, Dairy Queen was fine dining.
Where I grew up, everyone got laid, and sometimes their spouses did, too.
Where I grew up, I had a permanent handprint on my ass courtesy of Owl Pride (thanks, anna).
Where I grew up, men wore tiddies (shoes, you fool!)
Where I grew up, I had a pumpjack in my backyard (damn, it was hard to sleep when I moved)
Where I grew up, people didn't have freezers full of lean cuisine, they had deer meat.
Where I grew up, everybody waved once you got into our state, because we know if you fuck up we fry your ass.
If you forgot what you were about to say, then why fucking mention it?
If you don't dive a truck, you suck.
No, I won't help you move, that's why you should BUY A TRUCK.
Beautify Texas, put a yankee on a bus.
S.C.A.R.Y. Southern Citizens Advocating the Relocation of Yankees
If you are a yankee, do not screw with Texas Chilli. People are shot here for lesser reasons.
There are NO beans in texas chilli, and under NO circumstance do you add cream of mushroom soup, EVER.
There's a reason why our state dish is chili. Heed it.
Y'all come back now, ya hear?
