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The time has come to write yet another blog. Ah the very few blogs that I write, yet I write on a daily basis. First off I want to thank all those that have been there for me these last few months even when I was constantly drunk. Oh the drinking did a number on me and after 11 years of sobriety well I battled very hard not to start drinking again but I was so, so messed up with what I was going through that it seemed like a good idea at the time. Well it wasn’t a good idea that’s for sure. I did things during that time that actually worsened what I thought was improving the situation. Seems pretty fucked up I know.
Well let me go backwards a little bit in case you haven’t read my other blog. I will do my best to exclude names even though some of you already know what happened. In case any of you don’t know I’m a Veteran, I have had to struggle with PTSD for over 9 years now, I know some of you have had to deal with it much longer. Well let me move on when I got out of the Army in 2009, I started a relationship with someone after my divorce from the lying and cheating bitch I was with. Clearly my ex-wife couldn’t handle what had become of me, and clearly I couldn’t handle what I had endured while I was away. Well the relationship I was now in (In 2009 -2015) was very beneficial on both aspects I think. She was going through shit with her ex and I thought I was doing everything I could to keep her happy. Granted not all relationships are perfect, they all have their ups and downs. Throughout the years there was some really high ups and some really low downs. Some of which now that I look back on it was due to my own doing. I know I have hurt her in ways that I never should have and would never do again. The only thing that I never stopped doing even to this day is loving her. I know I’ve had 10 months to get over her and well that’s not happened. Again I’ve met many people on here that have helped me through things that I’ve gone through since January of 2015. Some even take credit for things they haven’t done. Some of her so-called friends on here have even come to me and told me things she has said. I may not be pleased by them but you know what, Life goes on, it doesn’t stop because you want it to unless of course you stop it yourself.
Well back to the topic at hand, ten months and after mistakes and more mistakes, I feel as if I’ve come to a point where I have gotten all the help I can possibly have. I see my doctors and therapists regularly for the PTSD, even though some of the things that are discussed aren’t at all beneficial to me as much as them. I have become less angry and more accepting to the thoughts and views of others. I have also learned that if I ever want to be happy and where I belong that I have to change for the better to achieve that goal. My ultimate goal, being where I belong. I have made progress on this I believe, now just to show that progress to her and possibly make her see that what I have done isn’t only for me, but for her as well, and ultimately for us. I am not seeking input or criticism. I don’t care for those that oppose either (I know some of you are out there, my advice to you all is go do you and let me do me.)
Now what does that mean for some of you that have shown interest in me? Well I think that means I’m going to do what I need to do, if you’re with me in that aspect to help me better myself good if not well you know your way away from me. As for any emotional attachments I have only one, and if and when I’m ready, that goes one of two ways. If I miss something that could be well then I miss it. This is all based on how I do things not how you think I should do things. Sorry if you don’t like that. Just no that no matter what I will do whatever I can to keep Her and myself happy even if she isn’t with me.
