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Insecurity and lack of communication. Two things that will kill a relationship almost as fast as lying and cheating. A weak moment, a hot temper, an ill placed push and a mistake born that will be regretted for years to come. Sober, yet emotionally drunk. Thoughts I had to sort through, things that were never said. Do i blame it on lack of opportunity, or another reason in my head? No excuse to withhold the things that were needed to be said. The death of us leaves me sobbing on my bed. I could beg or plead but his mind seems to be made up. If I found the courage to tell him, would it have made a difference? Things in life can seem to be one thing and are really another. What he thinks is not truth, I have no love for that other. That one is gone, a darkened road in my past. So now what do I do? If he listens now its with half closed ears. Little thoughts of insecurities will always be there. Seems hopeless now but i cant bear to let go of just a thread that maybe, somehow, someway. The possibility of true reconciliation, open hearts, open minds. Darlin forgive my stupidity if you can. So much to learn about this new life. Im bound to make mistakes. No guide through life or this thing that beats in my chest. The emotions it brings up im cursed some days at best. I dont know the words you want to hear. Guess this honesty thing is worth a try though doubtful its clear. I danced tonight and things became clear. That other was never there, but you were. The questions of “ why are yer eyes so sad?” betrayed the fun i was trying to have. Yer presence was there by those who noticed. “He must have hurt you deeply.” one comment made. “No! I hurt him. Now in this bed of nails I must lay.” Every rose has its thorn this is true. Though you may cut yer hand you still have the prize flower to view. For me its gone theres nothing left. Hands full of stitches from the slices of thorns. Searching for that rose which is no longer adorned. Cannot believe how stupid ive been. Not just tonight but this last bend. The words “We will work through it together.” now bittersweet. Just hoping I can sleep. Though thoughts of sleep make me nervous too. Theres not many night when i dont dream of you. After tonight what will those dreams hold?? Nightmares from hell or how I should have been bold. What can I say?? What can I do? Its a bitter pill to swallow--stupidity. All I can say is Im sorry and Baby I love you.
