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TiggyToes's blog: "Stories"

created on 11/26/2009  |  http://fubar.com/stories/b326159

Hello, young lady. You may think its foxy to flaunt your flabby body throughout the worldwide web for the attention of horntoads, but this is not the case. What are you getting out of entertaining the eyes of sexually deprived men on the internet whom you’ll never meet? Are a few “likes” on Facebook that important to you? Do several “damn ma” and “you’re sexxxy” comments from goalless men who send the same generic comments to every other lost girl online really boost your self-esteem? If that is the case, you definitely need to assess your esteem of self. If a man has never told you this without the goal of having sex with you… I’ll tell you. You’re beautiful, young lady. Now, put your clothes on!

Riddle me this- would you rather be respected intellectually or sexually? If you answered with the latter, you are a pitiful soul and can quit reading this now. Oh, I get it! You’re a model, you say? Well, if that was REALLY the case- you’d know your beauty is your product. Now, how cheap is your product if you flaunt it freely to anyone with a data plan on their prepaid phones? Why would a commercial, magazine, or even a porn agency want to buy a product that everyone has already tried for free? It is simple economics – supply and demand. Nova Knows.

I’m not going to sit here and write to you like I’m holier than thou, bestowing rules and regulations. I have also fallen victim to thirsting over such lewd photos. We fall down, but we get up. We are just ordinary people. However, that doesn’t justify your actions. I’ve never thought to myself after seeing pictures of a woman bent over in a position proper for receiving an enema, “Damn. I wonder what her views are on race relations in America”. Nope, not once – not EVER!

Here is my proposal – take them down. I know a lot of guys will hate me for this, but I have a daughter. I better never see her taking pictures with her butt on a sink. Nowadays, if I see her doing as much as sitting on the sink to check her loose tooth – I put her in timeout. Therefore, take your tasteless pictures down and set a better example for the next generation of women. Stop demeaning yourself for the satisfaction of sex offenders.  Your photo albums are so explicit that they reek with the fumes of vagisil. Clean up your act. It starts with loving and respecting yourself, and I’m only being hard on you because I Love you.

I Love you, Yes… Even YOU!,

Nova Giovanni

http://NovaGiovanni.WordPress.com

http://YouTube.com/NovaGiovanni

FaceBook & Google+ – Nova Giovanni

BREAKING NEWS: The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On, and crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming to a complete stop at Get the Heck Over It. Any complaints about how we operate, can be forwarded to 1-800-waa-aaah with Dr. Sniffle Reporting LIVE from Quitchur Bitchin'. If you like this, repost it. If you don't...suck it up princess! Life doesn't revolve around you..

I have a Drug problem....

Editor’s note:

 

The following letter has appeared on the internet and was viewed by many readers. Many felt it would be appropriate for the readers of Avoyelles Parish, Louisiana.

 

The other day someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, “Why didn’t we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?”

 

I replied, “I had a drug problem when I was young.”  I was drug to church on Sunday morning.  I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.  I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.

 

I was dry by my ears when I was disrespectful to adjust.  I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teachers, or the preacher, or if I didn’t put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

 

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.  I was drug out to pull weeds in mom’s garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad’s fields.  I was drug to the home of family, friends and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood, and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

 

Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think.  They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.

 

God bless the parents who drugged us.

 

 

Submitted by a concerned citizen

 

A few facts about.... "THE KING"

By now even the most casual fan probably is familiar with a number of factoids and curiosities about The King. So, in memoriam, let's go beyond peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches and explore a few things you may not know about Elvis. I compiled this list with the help of my father-in-law, Larry Geller, who as Elvis's former hairstylist is full of anecdotes and little-known facts about the man and the legend.

--According to Robert Sillerman, former CEO of the company that owns 85% of Elvis Presley Enterprises, there are more than 84,000 performers whose principal occupation is impersonating Elvis.

--"Elvis" was the middle name of Vernon Presley, Elvis's father.

--The teenage Elvis signed his high-school friends' yearbooks with the name "Elvis Cat."

--Despite being the "King of Rock And Roll," Elvis never received Grammy recognition for any of his signature rock hits. He did win three Grammy awards over his career, but they were all for gospelrecordings. He did, however, receive a Lifetime Achievement Award in 1971.

--Elvis played bass on his 1957 hit, "(You're So Square) Baby I Don't Care."

--Elvis never performed live outside of the United States, save five Canadian shows in 1957.

--

After leaving the Army, Elvis made his first post-military appearance in 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii. It was a benefit concert in which all proceeds went to the USS Arizona Memorial building fund, honoring American sailors killed in the 1941 Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.

--Elvis's friends noted that he loved pepper on his eggs--in fact, he often poured so much pepper on his omelet that it appeared black.

--Everyone knows about Elvis's iconic 1956 pink Cadillac. But did you know he also owned a nearly identical model in purple? Both cars are on display at the Graceland Museum.

--Andy Kaufman was one of the first Elvis impersonators.

--Comedian Johnny Carson once quipped, "If life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators dead."

--Larry Geller was responsible for styling Elvis's hair for the sad occasion of his funeral. When setting about his task, he was startled to find that Elvis had half an inch of white-colored regrowth under his dyed black hair. Geller quickly improvised a touch-up job using a black mascara wand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

taken from another source.

I'm Legal

I'm a legal American citizen and I must show my ID when: 1. Pulled over by the police. 2. Making purchases on my department store credit card. 3. When I show up for a doctor's appointment . 4. When filling out a credit card or loan application . 5. When applying for or renewing a driver's license or passport . 6. When applying for any kind of insurance . 7. When filling out college applications . 8. When donating blood . 9. When obtaining certain prescription drugs .. 10. When making some debit purchases, especially if I'm out of state . 11. When collecting a boarding pass for airline or train travel . I'm sure there are more instances, but the point is that we citizens of the USA are required to prove who we are nearly every day! Why should people in this country illegally , be exempt!!!!! Why shouldn't we guard our borders as closely as every other country in the world does? Go ARIZONA !!!

Her Point....

Anybody want to pitch in to help pay for an electric fence?


A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials 
in ages!!!  It explains things better than all 
the baloney you hear on TV.

Her point: 

Recently large demonstrations have taken place 
across the country protesting the fact that Arizona 
is addressing the issue of illegal immigration.

Certain people are angry that 
the US might protect its own 
borders, might make it harder 
to sneak into this country and, 
once here, to stay indefinitely.

Let me see if I correctly understand 
the thinking behind these protests. 
Let's say I break into your house.
Let's say that when you discover 
me in your house, you insist that I leave.

But I say, "No! I like it here". 

It's better than my house. I've made all 
the beds and washed the 
dishes and did the laundry 
and swept the floors. I've 
done all the things you don't 
like to do. I'm hard-working
and honest (except for when I broke into your house).

According to the protesters:

You are Required to let me stay in your house 
You are Required to feed me
You are Required to add me to your family's insurance plan 
You are Required to Educate my kids
You are Required to Provide other benefits to me & to my family 
(my husband will do all of your yard work because 
he is also hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, 
I will call my friends who will picket your 
house carrying signs that proclaim my 
RIGHT to be there. 

It's only fair, after all, because you have 
a nicer house than I do, and I'm just 
trying to better myself.  I'm a hard-working 
and honest, person, except for well, 
you know, I did break into your house 
and what a deal it is for me!!!

I live in your house, contributing only a 
fraction of the cost of my keep, and 
there is nothing you can do about it 
without being accused of cold, Uncaring, selfish, 
prejudiced, and bigoted behavior.

Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you learn 
MY LANGUAGE!!! So you can communicate with me. 

Why can't people see how ridiculous 
this is?   

Thought for the day....

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend. He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

The  Darwins are out!!!!   Yes,  it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are  bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.  

 

Here  is the glorious winner:

1.  When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim  during a hold-up in Long Beach , California   would-be robber  James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered  down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it  worked.  

 

And  now, the honorable mentions:

 

2.  The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting  machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his  insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of  its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also  lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.

 

3.  A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car  during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a  woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot  her.

 

4.  After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver  found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting  from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his  incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered  everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers  to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were  very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't  discovered for 3 days.

 

5.  An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious  head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he  received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying  to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he  was hit.

 

6.  A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the  counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash  drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the  register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash  from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The  total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone  points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime  committed?]

 

7.  Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided  that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,  grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved  it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and  hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The  liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was  caught on videotape....

 

8.  As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man  grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the  woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.  Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in  the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of  the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he  replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the  purse from."

 

9..  The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a  Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and  demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't  open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered  onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast...  The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD  WINNER] 

 

10.  When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home  parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more  than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very  sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A  police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal  gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's  sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press  charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.  

 

In  the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends  and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is  a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they  are distant and hope they remain lost.  

 

***  Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce, and they  vote!!!!!

Cherokee Legend

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of Passage? His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him an leaves him alone. He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN. He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own. The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm.. The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man! Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
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