MissJessicurr's blog: "Stories are what will go on"

Will you ever really understand what I feel? Will you ever know what the stories woven into the delicate tangles of scars that sadly decorate the skin of my pale arms will ever really entail? When the truth is told, will you ever truly believe it? Will you be able to distinguish the real happiness from the fake? And when it comes down to it, will I ever be able to know all of that for you? I guess you can read my words and relate.

You will interlace your experiences with mine in vague attempt to know what it feels like. You will tell me stories of your own pain and tell me you've felt the same. I will claim that no one has ever felt this hurt. Not like I have. I mean, it's hard to comprehend someone, somewhere in the world is experiencing the same things and reacting in the exact same way. Then something will enter my mind, the words I've read from someone else, words that I could have sworn were my own.

A paragraph that I am so tempted to put my name next to because it is impossible that someone else could ever write out the things I feel in such a way if they have not been inside me. Then something else will lace my concentration. Music to which another set of words fit. A song that, once again, seems to depict exactly what I feel. Something that I could not have written. Something someone else felt at a completely different time about entirely different people, yet is exactly the same. So maybe, just maybe you will understand...you will know what I feel and what I have felt.

You may not be able to put it into words or even express it...but you will feel something that tells you exactly what it is like. And maybe there are others, people I shall never even meet, who understand exactly what it is to hurt. And maybe there will be people who go through so much worse times than I will ever even imagine and they will survive. And because of the slight pain I feel now, I will be able to tie a string of recognition to their pain and nurse them back to a happy existance. What a person feels can never be measured. The surface ripples can be felt through words or music, or even a slight expression that flits across someone's face.

Maybe there is someone who will understand, someone who has been through nothing but feels the same. For even a person who has everything may not be happy. Even if you do not know it, you are not alone. There are people who feel perfect, people who feel worse...and maybe, somewhere, people who feel exactly the same.

<3 MissJessicurr

Life is all about finding out who you really are.

First of all, know that you're not alone.

I don't think there's a person on this planet who has not, at one point or another,

worn a mask to protect who they really are from a potentially difficult experience.

The pressure of believing you're the only one with this problem

is half of what makes it seem so impossible to fix.

The second step is figuring out what you're so afraid of by revealing who you really are.

It isn't that you're wearing a mask all the time,

its that you're putting it on in attempt to keep your therapist out.

What you need to understand is that by letting that person in,

they can get to the core of whatever else is bothering you.

Just be straight up.

Its hard, but once you break through that wall, the pressure you feel inside will lift,

and you'll probably cry out every single one of those tears

'til all you can do is laugh to make up for it.

That's when you know you've done it.

Be real, because a mask only fools people on the outside.

Pretending to be someone you're not takes a toll on the real you,

and the real you is more important than anyone else.

<3 MissJessicurr

Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow. Today was "Daddy's Day" at school, and she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home. Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all. Of a dad who's never there, a dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet. Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats. one by one the teacher called a student from the class. To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed. At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare. each of them was searching, for a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?!" she heard a boy call out. "She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout. And from somewhere near the back, She heard another father say, "Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day." The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mom. and looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back, Slowly she began to speak And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique. "My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know all about my daddy and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone. And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart. I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart" With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years. And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd. She finished with a voice so soft, but it's message clear and loud. "I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far

You see he was a fireman and died just this past year when airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away." And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, Who knows what they felt inside Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out. And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt. Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed.. But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet

will not take the initiative to change their situation

because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity,

and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind,

but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit is his passion

for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences,

and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon,

for each day to have a new and different sun.

<3 MissJessicurr

That saying 'time heals everything' is complete utter bullshit.

Time does not heal everything.

Time does not fix your wounds or repair your broken heart.

Time does not comfort you in any sort of way.

Time doesn't know when you're hurting.

It doesn't sing you to sleep or make you smile.

Time? It's just there.

It doesn't help you.

You can't rely on time to heal you.

You have to be strong enough to tell yourself

that you can get over this, that you will get over this.

<3 MissJessicurr

I constantly wonder how my life looks in other people's eyes.

Do they think I have it easy?

Do they think  I have nothing going on for myself?

Or are the fascinated with who I am?

The thing is that no one will ever know my whole story.

No one will ever know the things I’ve had to overcome.

Not even my closest friends, not even my own family.

The thing is that people are so quick to judge now a days.

You only see a person from what they want and allow you to see.

I always try to look as put together as if can and I guess that's my way of hiding from the truth.

It’s just that way, everyone will assume that everything in my life is okay,

that I never go through anything. If only everyone knew how broken I am,

and how I’m holding on for dear life on this one last strand that's recently

become very delicate. The truth is that no one really knows me.

No one will ever know me and sometimes that scares me,

because no one will ever know why I am the way I am.

<3 Miss Jessicurr

We're all walking around with these glossy eyes.

'I'm just tired.' we say. but you know what, it's bullshit.

yes, we are tired, but it's not all from lack of sleep.

We are tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to,

tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things we find no enjoyment in doing.

We're tired of this void, this emptiness that looms over us even though our days are packed.

We're tired of the loneliness that presses down on us even though we're surrounded by dozens of people.

So why can't we just say it..humans are afraid to look into each other's eyes and say

'i am unhappy, i am broken, i am hopeless, and fallible.'

We've been conditioned to associate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness,

loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease, as if these feelings are contagious,

as if ambivalence is something not to be felt but to be feared.

Well, i say screw all of that. Screw forced smiles and polite handshakes and i'm fine, thank you.

Screw the fear of crying in a public place, screw the fake chipper voice, screw the lies

we spit out to cover up our problems. We are humans. We are meant to feel.

To feel everything and to feel it all openly.

We are not metal- we are flesh and hope. our boiled blood courses through our cold, clammy hands.

We are intricate and beautiful and we should never hide our human parts,

because if we do, what's left to show?

<3 Miss Jessicurr

Right now at this very minute, someone is very proud of you.

Someone is thinking of you. Someone cares about you.

Someone misses you. Someone wants to talk to you.

Someone wants to be with you. Someone hopes you aren’t in trouble.

Someone wants to hold your hand. Someone wants you to be happy just for you.

Someone thinks you are a gift. Someone wants to hug you. Someone loves you.

Someone admires your strength. Someone is thinking of you and smiling.

Someone wants to be on your shoulder to cry on. Someone thinks the world of you.

Someone wants to protect you. Someone would do anything for you.

Someone wants to be forgiven. Someone is grateful for your forgiveness.

Someone wants to laugh with you about old times.

Someone remembers you and wishes you were there.

Someone needs to know that your love is unconditional.

Someone wants to tell you how much they care.

Someone wants to share their dreams with you.

Someone wants to hold you in their arms.

Someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms. Someone treasures your spirit.

Someone wishes she/he could STOP time because of you.

Someone loves you for who you are. Someone wants to be with you.

Someone hears a song that reminds her/him of you.

Someone is glad that you’re her/his only true love. Someone wants to be your friend.

Someone stayed up all night thinking about you.

Someone is alive because of you. Someone believes that you are their soul mate.

Someone wants to be near you. Someone misses your guidance and advice.

Someone values your guidance and advice. Someone has faith in you.

Someone trusts you.

Someone needs you to send them this letter. Someone needs your support.

Someone needs you to have faith in them. Someone needs you to let them be your friend.

Someone will cry when they read this. Cause that’s what life’s all about.

Its about the times where you lay in the grass next to someone you love.

Its about the color of the sky, its about a roaring fire on a winter night.

Everybody hurts, everyone bleeds, everyone laughs and smiles and loves.

And that’s all that is. There’s no meaning of life, its nothing that can be defined,

it’s a matter of writing your own definition. 

<3 Miss Jessicurr

Concerts don't last one night, and tours don't last a week, a month, or a year. They last a lifetime. They come back to you every time you listen to an artist you've seen in concert. When the music's streaming through your speakers, the memories are streaming through your heart. You remember the people that you were around, the die-hard fans, and the feeling you got in your stomach when the stage lit up, the crowd went crazy, and the band ran on stage to start the show.

You remember singing along and screaming your heart out when he's telling a story, and the crowd is silent listening to the man they think of as the god; whose music got them through the hardest times of their life. A concert stays with you forever. And you know that you'll always miss getting sweaty jumping around and being shoved in a mosh-pit and trying to scream loud enough so the gods on stage will hear you.

It doesn't matter whether you were front row, backstage, ground floor trying to shove your way to the front, or the absolute worst seat in the house, because you know that when the lights go off and the music goes on, you get butterflies no matter where you are. As soon as the drummer hits the bass as hard as he can, and you feel not only the vibrations, but the compassion and the love - the reality hits you square in the face, and you were ready for it.

 You were ready for it ever since you bought the ticket. It hits you in the face and hits you in the chest, it takes your breath away and all you can do is scream. Scream to show you love it. And you will remember those butterflies for the rest of your life.

<3 MissJessicurr

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realize there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real.

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think ahappy one instead.

That you control that completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself,constantly. That that’s why it’s worth living.

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around.

That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. Thatnothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.

<3 MissJessicurr