A VISITOR'S GUIDE TO ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI:
The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00 AM.
The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 PM.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
Gravois Road can only be pronounced by a native.
Ditto for Bopp, Spoede, and Chouteau
Construction on Highways
40, 64, 70, 255, 270, 44, 55 and I-170
is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.
The Page Avenue extension and Airport expansion projects took over 20 years to get approved
and St. Louisan's lost track of how many
political figures claimed them
as their own ideas.
A St. Louisan from South County has never been to North County and Visa versa.
West County has everything delivered.
St. Louisan's were aghast
when the federal government
required them to redo the highway signs
to indicate that the federal highway went to cities in other states instead of local municipalities.
If someone actually has their turn signal on,
it is probably a factory defect,
or has been on for the last 17 miles.
There are 2 exits on Highway 40
for Clayton Road and 2 for Big Bend.
All old ladies with blue hair in Cadillacs (driving on Olive west of 270)
have the right of way.
Laclede Station Road
mysteriously changes names
as you cross intersections,
as do McCausland, Lindbergh, Watson, Reavis Barracks,Fee Fee, McKnight, Airport Road, Midland, Olive and Clarkson.
Drivers are starting to cut their OWN plates rather than go through the MO. Vehicle Dept.
to get new tags.
You can purchase tags from dealers behind QuiK Shops in the city. They are cheaper, the clerks
are nicer, and the service is faster.
You can go all four directions on Highway 270: North and South in West County,
East and West in South County,
and East and West in North County.
Confused? So are the St. Louis drivers.
There are 54 school districts on the Missouri side alone --
each of
which has their own school bus system
and scheduled times to block traffic.
There are 75 "official neighborhoods"
in the City of St. Louis.
St.Louisans commonly give directions
(especially for restaurants),
to strangers,
based on these neighborhoods
which aren't marked on any maps
from the tourist board, the AAA or Mapquest.
There are 91 official municipalities in St. Louis County.
Each Municipality has it's own rules,regulations,
and often their own police departments.
More importantly,
most have their own snow
removal contracts,
so it's not uncommon to drive down a road in
winter and have one block plowed,
the next salted, the next piled
with snow and the last partially cleared by residents wanting to get out of their driveways.
No native St. Louisan knows that Lindbergh runs from South County to North County.
And, if you tell them, they will not believe you.
Lindbergh belongs to every neighborhood except Kirkwood, who had the nerve to creatively change the name to "Kirkwood Road".
Any car parked longer than 4 hours in the city, is considered a parts store.
Highway 270 is our daily version of the NASCAR circuit.
YIELD signs are for decoration only. No native St. Louisan will ever grasp the concept.
Lambert Field and St. Louis International Airport
really are the same place.
The East Terminal, however, is a different place.
Never ever try to cross a bridge in St. Louis during rush hour unless you have a port-a-potty in the car.
The "outer belt" is Highway 270 which turns into Highway 255 in South County.
The "inner belt" is Highway 170 and if it's a 3XX number it's an "outer, outer belt".
Do not confuse I-70 with 170.
Highway 40 is the same as Interstate 64 through the middle of St.Louis.
If you need directions to O'Fallon, make sure to specify Illinois or Missouri.
The City of Ballwin actually proposed that drivers use connecting strip mall parking lots to get from place to place rather than drive
on Manchester Road to cut the traffic on Manchester.
