Prince Albert's blog: "Spider Bite (part 5)"

Spider Update!!

 

 

Well it’s been a little while and I have been making progress with Mr. Spidey, as to what his issue is with me.

It has taken a lot of attention and patience to get him to come around but I think its working.

Most people at this point would have just ended his life, but like I told you before, I am not that guy. I don’t judge people, nor arachnids; I have faith in the greater good of all living things. It just takes time and patience to figure out what it really is that causes good things to go bad.

This guy has allot of brawn; I wonder how much brain he has.

So far what I have figured out is that he is smart, and creative. I left a box of spider crayons, and pencils, along with a notebook and drawing pad in his jar so he could entertain himself whilst he huff and puff about his new living arrangement.

To my surprise he's quite the artist!

I have never before seen multiple extensions of a being, create art before my eyes, and let me tell you, it’s amazing.

I, as a human, cannot obviously talk to Mr. Spidey, so I thought that the notebook and the drawing pad would be a great way to communicate. And it was.

At first he rejected everything I gave to him, even the food he knows he needs. And of course that didn’t take too long for him to realize. It was kind of cool I had prepared a large meal for him not knowing what spiders like and much to my surprise he ate a good portion of it. what I did was I collected a variety of flies and other winged creatures from a local store and contacted a chef I have known for years, which just so happens to prepare dishes for spiders at Lincoln Park Zoo. He told me how to make the dish according to what I have, but ill be honest with you; I don’t think it was as good as he could have made it. Still, I tried my best and Mr. Spidey recognized my effort, and that’s when it all started turning around.

He started drawing pictures of food. I assume that it was food he had on the outside, so being the attentive one, I prepared his meals according to how he presented them in his drawings. I feel this was all necessary, due to the fact that I needed him to stay alive to carry out my plan. But for real, I think he started abusing the privilege when he started drawing three course meals. I don’t know what the hell he was thinking...

It almost seemed like he was trying to make me his bitch.

So I had to put him in check.

A little spider bitch slap would do suffice.

Better yet, I'm sure administering physical harm to this arrogant bastard would probably thwart any future relations. And I have accomplished so much I would hate to miss the opportunity I have before me. So what I will do instead is simply stop spoiling him, as he needs to remember that I am the one that had endured his aggression for no apparent reason.

time to show him who's boss!!

 

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Ok he's pissed. He wasn’t too crazy about the whole "limit the food situation". And in retaliation he decided to hide out and sleep for a couple days...get this, he started getting up in the middle of the night and working on a project, and every time I showed up he dipped out and crawled back into bed. I know that little bastard is up to something and I am going to find out.

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Ok this is weird...

I was woken up this morning by Mr. Spidey banging his little pots and pans together causing a ruckus, and I had noticed he had posted signs of protest all over his jar. I couldn’t even see him inside, for every inch of glass has been covered by signs such as...P.O.W... and FREE SPIDEY...and some I feel may be too graphic to write in this story.

This is truly an extraordinary spider, dazzled in amazement I went for the camera and started taking pictures, but just then reality hit me.

I have in my hands a spider unlike any other.

I sat down and pondered the possibilities of my unique fortune.

I could be rich!

I could be on T.V.

I could be a star!

Or

I could be laughed at.

I could be locked up for animal rights...or whatever rights spiders have...

I could be thrown in an insane asylum.

Oh my god....

What have I gotten myself into?

This whole time I have been playing the fool to this psychotic recluse....

Recluse....

Oh my god... it’s all in the name.

I should have paid more attention to his history than concentrating so much on his future.

This is where I seriously need to reflect and check myself....

Am I loosing it?

Ok lets put things into perspective...

I got bit. Not once but twice...

Then it was war.

I set up surveillance, and successfully gained my objective, and took a prisoner of war and am currently holding him hostage.

But I haven’t hurt him.

I've spoiled him.

A spider...

That hurt me.

I feed him...

I make sure there is everything he needs and more....

I give him pencils, crayons, paper, TV, movies, everything...

A spider...

Am I insane?

I was going to take him camping and white water rafting...

Maybe to the zoo...

I need to rest...this is all sounding funny...

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Ok, after careful thought I now realize that I’ve been set up. It’s a conspiracy...

I’m not mentally insane...I know that this spider is more than meets the eye. The worst part of it is I can’t tell anyone about it...or without a second thought I will be locked up just like my little friend here. Funny how clever this guy is...

Its time I raided his nice little home I’ve made for him and stopped being so nice. If I have learned one thing in this twisted game of his, it’s to not underestimate his potential...

I’ve got a nice new baby food jar, no bed, no TV, no toilet, no lady spiders, no table to eat at, no three course meals, no nothing... just cold hard glass. And I’m going to wrap it in duck tape so he can’t see the rest of the world, until I get to the bottom of this.

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Oh snap!

Just as I suspected...

I have been set up....I surprised attacked him in the middle of the beginning of the after-morning. The timing was perfect. He was as confused as that last sentence was. I caught him so off guard I thing he peed himself. So I swooped him up and introduced him to his new home. He was very unhappy about all of this. But not as unhappy as I was to find what bestow-ith upon mine eyes moments after I started my investigation.

I uncovered hidden storage spots, and secret journals I had never seen before. Blueprints, maps, letters to his family, and friends...and letters from his family, he’s been mailing via mosquito!

I had a chance to read some of these letters and I’m still trying to decode the coding,

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Spider update

Listen folks...

I’m perplexed. I realize the situation I’ve come into and I will have you know, this is not funny any more. I am but only a man, with a serious arachnid problem.

Allow me to explain.

As you well know I have been writing about a super spider that came into my life however long ago. A spider that has a will to survive and an apparently serious dysfunction.

The other night, I get a call from the police department and they notify me of a hit that has been put out on my head. They thought it was a joke when the informant faxed a photo of me with a bounty stating there would be a reward of 10,000,000 flies attached to it, and so they basically brushed it off as a prank. Then within forty minutes, calls flooded the station with 911 calls about infestations of spiders and insects alike.

It was pure pandemonium.

I was encouraged to get my stuff and find a safe place until the situation was handled.

I happen to live in a city just forty two miles away from the infiltration, which would give me plenty time to figure out what I should do. I mean for real, I’m dealing with a sick individual of a spider that is locked up in a jar. It’s not like I haven’t treated him right; I just feel it’s necessary to be aware of his where-abouts considering his track record.

I need not explain any more about justifying his position nor mine for doing so, I think you all could agree.

Now here's the plan.

I’ve learned from the past to not react with unjust actions and go right to the source of the problem and understand all that is problematic, and work toward a successful solution knowing all avenues, rather then assuming what could be, or what is the reality, based on ignorance.

So....

Mr. Spidey.

He’s got some es-plaining to do Lucy...

Unfortunately I haven’t the time at the moment to interrogate the suspect so what I will do is pack up and take him with me for questioning later.

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All right.

Its 5:30 in the morning and I have arrived at my destination point. I thankfully had a friend that lives in a penthouse on top of a skyscraper, in the heart of Chicago...

It was a long flight from Phoenix Az. to Chicago and I'm a little tired but this situation must not be delayed any longer.

My friend that has allowed me to find cover here is one of our military's finest, he is decorated up, down, left, and right for his outstanding dedication and loyalty to his troops, his government, and his country,... and he had suggested that I allow him to help resolve this situation.

I respectfully declined his offer but thanked him for his hospitality and assured him it will be over soon.

I felt that his generosity and help, has extended enough just for merely letting me hide out here.

He’s a good friend but I really don’t want him thinking I’m crazy with this spider story.

So I unpacked my things and got settled in a room that he has set up for guests, and plugged in my laptop and dialed into my home network. There I have set up cameras and microphones for surveillance so I don’t miss a beat. I thank god for technology at this point otherwise I would be lost and/or most likely dead.

I put the jar containing Mr. Spidey next to me on the desk so he could see the feed from the house. In amazement he took up a seat in the front of the jar and watched intensively.