5:59 am, Sept. 14, 2006
It is very early in the morning as I am setting here speculating the meaning of life as another family member of mine has enterd this world. Brenton Wayne, Jr. 9lbs, 4oz. . I wonder what his life will be like. I wonder will it be happy and joyful or we he have a hard-knock life as I and his mother have had. His life has proven to give him a hard time already, as he was born by c-section, he just didn't want to come out. I don't really blame him, for he could stay in the cozy warmness of his mothers body, being forever nurtured and sheltered from this very cold existence. She called me as soon as she had delivered, of course I was asleep with it being 4:30 in the morning. I can't seem to get back to sleep now, for the memories of the birth of my son, haunting my very existence at this moment. My son, Shane Micheal, was born Sept. 27, 1999. After the big ordeal with his father left me homeless and penniless, I was left with the pieces of my life and i lost my son to his uncle. His father plead guilty to raping and murdering a 10 yr old girl in jan. 2005. The whole situation is surreal to me even now. I still can't believe he did it, and i hate him so much for ruining our lives. We were together for almost 10 years and married for 8 of those years. I never imagined that he could do something like this. I always forsaw my death in the shadows of our marriage, for he was very abusive, but a child, never. I still cry every time as I think of the little girl, Kaitlyn Colman, who was a beautiful little girl, who was just trying to walk to the dollar store and buy some toilet paper for her mom. The wrong place at the wrong time. I guess thats where I was when i met him. I am just rambling at this point, but i just have a whole lot to say and nobody to say it to. I am writing a book about all of this, however can't weem to put a pen to paper right now, for some reason. Everytime I try to write more, I can't see through the tears streaming down my face. My life has been but a horrible tragedy, comical at points, but altogether sad and somewhat unexpected. I guess as i sit here on the first day of my new cousin's life, I hope and pray for him that his life be a grand one, happy and free of abuse, rape, addiction, murder and all the other things that have plagued my entire life. I have so much more to say, and I will post more, if you are interested in reading them. If you want to know more of my life, you can read about my ex husband in the archives of The Courier Journal(a Louisville based paper)(She disappeared Jan. 27, 2005). His name is Anthony Ray Stockelman, who is now incarcerated at Wabash Valley Correctional Facility, in Terre Haute, IN, for the reaminder of his useless life.
