so now that i posted that last blog supposedly im trying to ruin vons music reputation. that was not my intentions what so ever von is a great muscian and is the most dedicated ive ever seen someone. i just wanted him to be embarresed i guess. i am so hurt by everything he did i just wanted him to feel alittle bit of my pain. he will never understand the pain he put me through. and yea when i went and moved all my stuff out i deleted all his pics on his computer and erased his fubar page. all that is fixable except a few pics he probley cant get back, my heart is not. he says i trashed his house lol yea right i might have thrown some mail around but everything was already trashed i just moved his stuff to get to mine. and now somebody has told him i said something about him with kids and porn. i dont care how much von hurt me i would never say that. thats not even something to joke about. and i cant believe he believes i said that. i know that von would never do that and who ever said that can go fuck thereselfs. i dont know what to do with myself. even though i know he will never change it hurts so bad knowing that there spending time together and cooking and eating dinner together and cuddling on the couch and him turning over and kissin her on her forehead and going to sleep holding each other and going shopping looking for vons ebay stuff and playin around in the kitchen like we use to and just sit and laugh and have fun going, them going to concerts together. it fucking kills. i havent eatin in 6 days ive been throwing up for 5. i lost 14 pounds in 6 days. i cry 70% of the day. i dont sleep and when i do alls i have are dreams of him and her together. i have never felt such a pain in my life. i have never loved someone so much besides my kids and mom. i dont understand what i did so wrong. he says ive changed thats because of everything he put me through. i slept to much because i have a health problem that i have tried to get fixed many times and the doctors dont know whats wrong with me plus it dont help im depressed. because i didnt work but yet he told me if he was doing ebay i didnt have to work plus i helped him with his business i would set up and tear down and sit there while he walked around talking to everybody. he mostly brought everything to and from the car. and sometimes helped me set up. and he complained that i didnt clean. well he gets paid to not work not not clean his house. he could of help here and there but he refused so i stopped cleaning cause i didnt think it was fair. i love him so much i am so lost without him i really wanted him to be with him the rest of my life but obvisouly he dont feel the same. he says oh you left me and its like what am i suppose to do i caught you talkin to another girl and showin shit on cam am i just suppose to say its ok. no that made me feel like the biggest piece of shit like i meant nothing to him. i didnt want to leave him but i know he wont change and wont ever love me like i love him. and now he wants to take my son away from me. how much more could he possibly ruin my life. seriously i cant take this shit. i didnt nothing wrong to him before we broke up ever i took care of him. i did everything cooked, cleaned, laundry, made sure he took his medicine, made him eat right so he wouldnt get sick, stayed up with him when he had his anxiety attacks, let him use my car for band stuff and his busniess stuff and whatever else he needed it for, took care of his daughters when they came over, trimmed his gotee and mustash, clipped his toenails, gave him all kinds of love and affection. so what the fuck did i do so wrong? alls i wanted was to be loved and not cheated on or lied to. von may have problems with his women but he is a great guy and thats what i loved about him. i miss him so much but what can ya do? i cant make him love me.
