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What are you waiting for?
Aren't we all some kind of fucked up!! Don't we all wonder where we went wrong or where we re going? I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in figuring it out we forget we have today. We forget to live. I'm not even sure I know how. I've chased roses and dreams and the magic fairy tale that I don't know what it is to live anymore. When I let someone in it's only for a small glimse of who or what I am or the potential of what it could be. It's not long before I push them away or they run like hell to get out. I'm tired of the walls, and the fascade of happiness, when inside I'm truly numb. I want so much to blame the past, marriages (2 failed), or the childhood of growing up in an alcoholic home, or just too many kids, that my parents just couldn't keep up. But truth is happiness comes from within ourselves and mine is burried so deep I don't even know where it is anymore. It's not that dream man or a nice home , or the shiny new vehicle I'd love to see parked in my garage. What is it anyway? I don't think I know anymore. I work hard, play very little, and keep going. I've read books, gone to church, poured my heart out to God and to others. I don't know how to live for today, and yet i wonder why my daughter is so scared to graduate and begin her adult life, so much life ahead of her, the beginning of a journey. I want new beginnings and new journeys. Not a do over just a new over. And yet I'm here and not quite there stuck here in the middle of some kind of fucked up.
