I want so badly to tell you how I feel. I know you need time to think and you need me to give you that space. It's just so hard to do when your in my position. I wish you could feel how it feels to be me. I know things haven't been the best all the time. I know I have made things hard at times. I understand why you feel the way you do. I dont blame you for that at all. All I want is to trust you again. I want to forget the betrayal I feel and live again. You know I know we have good times. Even over the past few weeks when things haven't been very good at all we still reached out for one another. You connected to me. I know there are feelings there. I feel that you want to keep those feelings. You feel as if I let you down. I try very hard to keep my suspicions from affecting how I act towards you. I try not to overwhelm you with doubt. I am to blame for you not being here. I just wish you would not have done it the way you did. I wish you did not take the kids from me. You know I can be the best dad. I am just so angry and confused. I gave you a second chance and you ripped my heart again. Im not sure why it is so imprtant to me that I am so willing to endure the pain. I would rather be with you in pain than without you in paradise. If that is even possible to pbtain paradise without my family. I still maintain hope that we have what it takes. I feel we do. I just wish we could take back some things we messed up. I wish I could have trusted you from the second you came back. I wish we would have continued going to counseling. I wish we could have done more things together as us. I wish we didnt have so many trials over the year. Its all just been overwhelming. I hope you find peace in yourself. I hope reason prevails. I hope to be with my family again. I miss you all terrible and find it immpossible to maintain life. You mean so much to me. I just wish I would see that when were together. Even the smallest tasks without you seem impossible. I love you.
