SMART ASS ANSWER -- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in first
class.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER -- A flight attendant was stationed at the
departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended
her hand for the ticke t and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not
your stub."
SMART ASS ANSWER -- A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her
family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
SMART ASS ANSWER -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you
all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR -- A college teacher reminds her
class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
for you
not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's
it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is
restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head
and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
other hand."
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look
old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
He never heard the shot....
