If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.
When all else fails, read the directions.
Welcome to Hell...Here's your accordion.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
Never hit a guy with glasses. Always use your fists.
The only time I open my mouth is to change feet.
Happiness can't buy money.
True friends always stab you in the front.
I'll have to think twice about it before I give it a second thought.
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids and a mortgage.
Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
Conscience: What hurts when everything else feels so good.
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
You're schizophrenic? Gee, that makes four of us.
Why is the word 'Abbreviation' so long?
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
Skydiving - Good to the last drop.
If a tree fell on the florist, would he make any sound?
A penny saved is a congressional oversight.
Error. Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue...
A day without sunshine is like ... night.
Floggings will continue until morale improves.
All's well that ends.
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Dyslexics of the world untie!
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defense.
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Forgive your enemies, but remember their names.
