On a journey that never ends's blog: "Sheena's Maddness and more...."

This morning I got up at 8am and I thougt oh shit I don't wanna get up today but than again thats every morning as always I have to drink lots of water on the weekends even more so now that I am in this thing that I am suppose to call a chair which means I'm going to be going to the bathroom alot right??? Ok so everyone who knows me knows that I don't like drinking water just because there is not really a taste to it thats just me but I know that if I wanna stay healthy and get people off my ass than I have to do it. Normally I only manage to drink one bottle of water but thats because there are only people around certain times of I need to go but today I had two bottles of water so people would stop bugging me about drinking so much it is easy for abled bodied people to drink because they can just get up and gp, so I went to the bathroom at like 1:30pm after that I had what was suppose to be lunch I had fish which was hard as a brick and the poetatoes were like rock stone and the corn was like rubber so I picked at it as much as I could than I started with the water I finished it all go me!!!!! Around 4pm I had to go really bad my weekend aide works at the front desks on weekends so she was not around so I called my other aide and she was like you know I dont come to you intil 6pm I saod yes I know so she goes you have ti wait 20 mins I said ok. If it were up to me I would have gone on my own but since I am in this thing that I am suppose to call a chair people are afraid im going to fall so yeah, once again I have to wait on other people I made it to the bathroom at 5:30pm. On top of having to struggle and waiting to go to the bathroom my aide that works at the front desk on weekends ordered out for me so of course there was a question of who was going to get the food to me my second aide was at the store so ok my aid that was at the front desk goes I have not seen anyone to bring the food to you I was like ok...... so goes oh wait I see someone so she ended up asking vistors to bring it up. Finally she calls again and says did you get the food I said yes! she goes ok good now you can eat I was like no I can't get to the dishes duh!!!! shes like eat out of the box I was like I still have to get it over to the table I had to carry the bag while it was warm and push at the sametime It was hard as crap but I did it that was my day.

Well its Friday yay! its been along week still waiting on my chair to be fixed and waiting on my new cell phone I'm solo tonight my weekend crew had other plans of course and my apt is silent except for the screaming kids next door there are alot of them there could be one for each month you think I'm kidding??? Everytime I see the mother she is showng so yeah that says a lot but thats beside the point really LOL! I'm missing Robert like crazy he went to bed early he was really tired from working he has to be up at 4am and get ready for work poor baby, I normally leave a few messages on his machine so that helps a bit other than that we will talk tomorrow doing the day off and on I'm so happy things seen to be getting better there use to be a period where he did not talk much at all now even when he is working he can't get enough of me anyways.... more on Robert later. Today I got a call from my PT (physical Therapist asking if I were coming today I said no my chair is still broken she goes well I'm going to have to discharge you cause you are failing to come in and we cant keep you on the lists and I'm going WTF????? so as usually I know I'm going to be blamed for this some how but... I refuese to get upset. That was just a lovely way to start the weekend, Have a good weekend and stay safe and no matter what happens remember to breathe!!!!!

So last night I was talking to Robert he was on his way home from work then all of a sudden my aide comes back upstairs and says ok time for bed which was fine but in the process my state of the art phone had died and I was still talking to Robert he called back like three times and I could not get the second phone I finally got the other phone called Robert back but there was no answer I called back like 9 times but he must have gone to bed he was so tired from work the bad thing was I did not get a chance to tell him I love him I feel so empty if I dont say it to him yes.... I know it sounds funny but thats how i am. On top of that my aide was yelling at me because I was in this thing you are suppose to call a chair for 14 hours but ok to recapp I always get a long ass lecture becase when I attept to get out off my chair I almost fall and break my neck I'm suppose to lay down doing the day because this chair kills my body which I was going to do but I was writting so I ended up writting til 11pm. Now mind you my body feels like shit but I must go on the world does noy stop because my body hurts thats a given. Now I'm confussed because in the morning when I get up I wanna stay in bed because I hear when you get up you may fall so wouldn't the same thing apply if I went to go lay down????? maybe I'm crazy but yeah I was sad last night because it makes no sense really when I do point out that my body feels like shit no one cares because they are afraid I'm going to fall well HELLO PEOPLE I'm DISABLED so thats sort of a given and how do you find out wheither you can do something with out taking risks???? anyways.

Hey Baby, I love you so much! More and more each day I find myself falling more and more in love with you there is just something about you that I can't get enough of you I have never felt this way about anyone I love the way you make me laugh smile and cry with all your sweet words no one warms my herart the way you do and I love that about you I love everything about you you are like a dream come true and one that I refuse to let go I mean that you speak to my heart in ways that make me whole again and I thank you for that you have shown me how to love and at the the same time I was lucky enough to find you my true love. I think about evey minute hour day and night even when I open my eyes in the morning I feel as though you are with me there is not a day that goes by and I dont think of you and I miss you like crazy knowing that I have you makes me realize that I have someone who loves supports and makes me the happiest girl in the world is the best feeling I could ever have. I love you more than anything in this world I think we were made for each other you always see things in me that no one sees and I see alot of things in you that are perfect thats how much I love you. Baby you are the best and I always will love you with all my heart i'm yours forever and there is not anything you could ever do or say to change that I'm so in love with you and I never give up on the one I love. I love you now tomorrow and intil the end of time thank you for being my love and my rock! I love you so much baby! Sheena Happy Anniversary!

Man you wont believe this yesterday I was typing then all of a sudden I hear keys jingling at the door so I'm thinking ok my aide is here early because that can happen sometimes so ok the noise continues then the door opens but it was not my aide it was a man that lives in the building he walked right in and said wow I'm at the wrong apt I thought I was on the 6th floor now ok I know there is a difference between 6 and 16 right???? maybe i'm crazy but I thought It was totally different but who am I. The worse part is he had glasses on as thick as coke bottles you think he could tell the difference. Still waiting on my chair to be fixed missed another day of PT the PT thinks that I am avoiding PT you know I just love it when people lack comphention skills I just wanna can't I ever be around someone who has and uses there common sense I swear I want to teach a freakin class on using your common sense that would help a whole lot. Tomorrow they are comming to change the filters in the apt, ohhh how fun I get to watch while they stare at me like they have never seen a disabled person before or either they will stare like I have a freakin booger up my noise thats fine just tell me that geez. Also tomorrow is my 2 year and 1 month anniversary with Robert I'm soooo happy I love him more and more everyday thats it for now good night! Much &heart;

Wow every since we had our 2 year anniversary Robert has been calling me everyday and I love it he got his Cell phone back on to so we talk even more and he text alot too with everything that has been happening he has been a big help emotionaly hes always there when I need and he knows all the right words to say, he is what keeps me going he reminds me that I have goals to accomplish and even when people say things about me that bother me I must keep going and do the best I can do. Everytime we talk I feel like we are getting closer than ever a long with my friends he really knows how to pick me up when I am down It really feels as though we do have a connection he really has the key to my heart, he really makes me feel whole again hes the most sweetest person I know and I just love him with all my heart hes the best ever and I am really lucky to have him in my life. I love Robert very much and he means the world to me and he will always be a part of my life and I will continue to love him more with every moment that passes. I love you baby! Thanks for being there doing the good and bad times and dont let anyone say other wise.

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Today at 4pm the alatm went off so as always I freaked because just to recap I live on the 16th floor and when there is a fire they are only going to get me out if there is a fire on my fire thats kind of scarey really reason being that I am disabled and I am still in this thing you are suppose to call a chair so I can not move as fast as I want. So as usaul I had a freakin panic attack because I was worried my second aide came down she scared the hell out of me because she came in and I heard no knock because the alarm is soooooo loud that it will make you Deaf and it might even wake up the dead. On top of that these FOOLS from my wheelchair company called doing the freakin fire alarm and I'm trying to talk to him in one ear and I had the alarm in the other I asked him if I could call him back he said no I was like what the hello???? the worse part is he was calling to get my second gaurdians address now this confussed the crap out of me because they have had that address almost a year now you mean to tell me that there so special ib the head that they can't see that its the same address that they have had for a year almost. So as I'm talking to the guy I can't hear a damn word hes saying cause of the freakin alarm and hes asking what the address is so he wtites it down then he asks me If I had a hearing problem??? I said no! I asked why???? he goes well..... you are yelling in the phone I'm thiking to myself "NEWS FLASH INCASE YOU DID NOT HEAR THE FIRE ALARM IS GOING OFF!!!!" He goes oh really than he hangs up. It's that simple just another fool thats extra special in the head as for the fire alarm someone pulled as a joke.

I dont even know where to start it all started yesturday in the bathroom my aide asked for a millionth time If I had aked anything wheither or not if they know of anyone who cleans carpet I said the people I asked said they would get back to me she goes it really needs to be done now to clear the air If and when I get the carpet cleaned I have to pay for it myself because certain people not naming names are going to be talking about lack of $$$$$$ so yeah I have to here all the time that the carpet needs to be cleaned its frustrating for many reasons. Since my aides don't want to rent a machine because they dont wanna get hurt this that and the other etc) I have to find someone really cheap that will clean carpet. Its really sad because I have no one around me to anything much like clean my carpet I have to ask my friends for favors I mean its ok to do at times but I dont want it to be a habbit because lets face it no ones gonna do anything for you for free especialy for me because I'm disabled I mean thats a given the argument lasted for a while the bottom line the carpet needs to be cleaned but.... whos going to do it????? not my aides because they dont wanna get hurt, my friends aren't gonna it than my question is who is gonna do it???? Whats funny is that I said ok I will clean it than I get the no you will get hurt speech well than its not gonna be cleanes on its own duh then aide said I was being unreasonable because I said I would clean it on my own regaudless or not I get hurt at least it would get done and I would not have to hear about it everyday after the arguement I was crying so hard I was shaking so bad I'm just tired of people saying that this needs to be done and that needs to be done and no one is going to help. To top it off I have a mygraine that has lasted 3 days if it was not for Robert calming me dowm when he did It would be worse I was crying at the fact that I go through enough shit as is now I got ppl bugging me about freakin carpet.

Just to recap I have been off of work since last Thursday because I'm still waiting on my chair to be fixed now I find it amazing that even though I am off of work I am still having to deal with people that are speacial in the head for example the wheelchair tech that came out to look at my chair on Tuesday he goes what is the problem with your powerchair???? I said there is something wrong with the cord that connects with the controler itself, then the Tech guy goes well..... did you try cutting it on?????? now it took everything, and I mean everything I had to contain myself because I know I said I could not get the chair to turn on thats why I called these fools in the first place as always the send the one that is extra special in the head. Now these Indivisuals called yesturday and that they can not order the part intil they get half of the payment up front which is not really that shocking since everything is about $$$$ now a days so yeah I have to wait yet again...... in the mean time I am back in the manual chair I had when I was in Middle school I had another chair but that one hurt my behind sooo freakin bad I just could not take it anymore. Im this chair it has velcrow on the seat from a custion that I no longer have do to the fact that an aide I had back in the day who was also special in the head decides that she was going to put the whole thing in the freakin dryer insted of just taking the cover off she put the whole seat in, now the seat had Gel on the inside so the whole thing exsploded so yeah there goes my seat so I sit on velcrow so when I sit in the chair it nearly pulls all my skin off. Also if I sneeze or cough literally the back will come out cause the screws are stripped now this is the only way I can get into bed on my own so yeah thats what I have to go through for awhile anyways. On top of that Verizon keeps calling me telling me that I need to upgrade my plan I keep telling them that I can't make any changes regauding my plan but yet again they are being special in the head. I hope every had a good week smile because its FRIDAY!!!! stay tuned another part of a love story that never ends is coming very soon.