DJ BloodVixenDarkside Dollie's blog: "Shadowlands"

*laughs until she hurts* OKAY. My friend, who is slightly of kilter much like me, just asked me a very interesting question. Please, if you have an answer, leave it in a comment. If a pair of Siamese twins is making out, is it incest or self-gratification?

Why must I be flawless to be loved I am hunman as well Flesh is always flawed So where do I stand now Out of the shadow of protection That your love afforded me Forgiveness given then ripped away Not being allowed to have my say Stealing the breath from my chest You must be so pleased with yourself And the damage that you inflict Your own Adonis you seem to be SO sure of your own perfection Your superiority a noose around my neck You make my own soul a painful place to be And I know you couldnt care less I know your only thoughts at this time Are on your wounded pride Your reasoning for cutting out my heart Is what other people will think If you show without a showpiece All of your own to give you What you cannot bring yourself A sense that you are in control In a world spinning out of rhythm Your own bastion of perfection Flawless in your eyes as long As your flaws dont show visibly Too bad your heart is not given the right to see And your soul is bound to your insistence To have what you never can Hating me because I am not your paradise Even though my heart was your haven Should you have chosen to accept An apology from my depths But to you I will never be good enough Simply because I wont kill parts of me To please you, and why should I When in the first conflict you abandon The battlefield, leaving me to birds of prey Astride your steed called Narcissism On the hill above watching Hoping to see me ripped to shreds and carried off Wishing me a demise of carrion But I have fought worse monsters than you And I fear not the birds that circle battlefields The ravens are my brothers and sisters But alas, I shall rise and walk away from you And your grand manipulations of the mind Wallow in your hatred and misery all you want Your vanity will be your undoing Your vanity already has you undone

So for those of you who do not yet know, I have Lupus. Hence the Lupus Awareness stuff in my stash. Due to it's having wreaked havoc on my lungs, I was actually on life support not so long ago and am currently in the hospital. So if you thought you had a bad day because your Aunt Gertrude insisted on pinching your cheeks or you didn't get everything you wanted, just remember it could be worse. I have spent my last two birthdays and Yules in the hospital. Both times alone. I have another 2 months roughly before I am done with my physical therapy to build my strength back up. So when you are having a bad day, come talk to me. Maybe I can commiserate.

just had to throw this up to see. new and im thrilled with the results. let me know what you think.

It swiftly forces its way deep inside Blinding you with its incandescent light Murmurs and whispers of times past Shadows dance as the spell is cast Lost in the rhythm of an ancient tune Your heart floats with your soul towards doom And so it all slides along its way Into the shrouded darkness to play And yet you stand there so fucking unaffected From all the chaos and turmoil you injected Into the veins of all who know or care For you and your cold spirit in dispair I stand on the outskirts watching it all fly I will be the one left to clean up the mess drawing nigh So it all slides...

So, I am minding my own business on here when someone I have never spoken with before pops up on my SB and demands my yahoo or msn messenger name. Needless to say I found it rather odd. I looked at his profile, no real picture or info, and no prior contact made alarms go off, obviously. So this is what ensued. And remember to read it from bottom to top. Da Sox: shut the fuck up, what are you a a god damn cop now cunt? ->Da Sox: i have never spoken in here to you before and your 1st question is actually a demand to talk to me on my private messenger and you dont even have a real picture up?? Da Sox: i didn't ask if u had a cam, what's your yahoo or msn? ->Da Sox: i dont have a webcam if that's what you are looking for Da Sox: to chat with u. what's your yahoo or msn? What the hell is up with these people? That is the third guy in 2 weeks that has talked to me like that. I seriously dont like it. And it always gives me flashbacks to my dad's actions towards me - and that is NEVER good. What is up with these men? It isnt my fault no women on earth want anything to do with their ignorant and egregiously rude asses. ARGH!!!

The reason I am in pain so often and sometimes disappear for a few days at a time is because I have Lupus. For those of you who don't know, the following is some info on it. So few have heard of it, yet worldwide it's seen as more common than leukemia, multiple sclerosis & muscular dystrophy. Lupus is an autoimmune disease, a type of self-allergy, whereby the patient's immune system creates antibodies which instead of protecting the body from bacteria & viruses attack the person's own body tissues. This causes symptoms of extreme fatigue, joint pain, muscle aches, anaemia, general malaise, & can result in the destruction of vital organs. It is a disease with many manifestations, & each person's profile or list of symptoms is different. Lupus can mimic other diseases, such as multiple sclerosis & rheumatoid arthritis, making it difficult to diagnose. Currently there is no single test that can definitely say whether a person has lupus or not. Only by comprehensive examination and consideration of symptoms and their history can a diagnosis be achieved. Lupus is neither infectious or contagious. Lupus can be triggered- ·at puberty ·during the menopause ·after childbirth ·after viral infection ·through sunlight ·as a result of trauma ·after a prolonged course of medication The symptoms: These may include - -extreme fatigue -joint/muscle pain -eye problems -depression -mouth ulcers -facial or other rashes -miscarriage -hair loss -anemia -fever -possible involvement of the kidneys, heart, lungs & brain There is no cure... People diagnosed with lupus normally remain under medical care with continuing medication. Many symptoms have less impact as a result, but side effects can often occur. Lupus can adversely influence the lives of those who suffer the illness, their families & friends.

I stare at nothing Barely blinking Waiting For the waves Of Pain and Self-hatred Loneliness and Desperation To pass away Or me from it I pray To anything listening Just take me Just let this end Just close this Open ended Never-ending Ache

I scratch and I claw Away the wounds you left inside I scream and I sing Reaching down to where it all resides It may not be poetry in motion More like torment in emotion But its true and its real And right now its all that I feel So let the tears fall like rain And let the screams crash like thunder Releasing all this fucking pain Let it fade away and be assunder I'm tired of fighting my way through All the wounds you rip into me So I am purging them all anew Let the pain run free Let the pain run free

my family stopped by on the way from canada to the south where my mother is living. it was good to see them. i had not seen my brother and his wife since auguast of last year. my sis-in-law is pregnant and looks adorable. you can tell that she and my brother are thrilled. as is our mom. so um yeah, thats about it...