LPMC's blog: "sexual iq"

Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It's happening every day. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My ass was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't believe that my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion. It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next? My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted", look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs - and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them! This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

ONE W.A.K.E.U.P. there is NO SUCH THING as a myspace tracker. it does NOT exist. so quit posting stupid bulletins like "OH-EM-GEEEEE this WORKS!!!" no, it doesnt. TWO To the people who have like 25,000 friends, are you serious? You're stupid. Go play in traffic. THREE Don't ever post pictures and say "OMG, I'm so ugly" "OMG, I'm so fat" because if you were, you wouldn't post them. And if u do ur a freaking mongoloid. FOUR Nobody cares about threats over the internet. Don't try to act hardcore with the keyboard. Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics; even if you win, you're still retarded. FIVE Quit crying b/c you're not on someones top 8. who the hell cares? ITS FUCKIN MYSPACE!!! SIX Who really gives a fuck if I don't accept you as a friend? MOVE ON!!! Don't send me another request or message asking "what's up with you not adding me?" I don't want you as a friend, that's what's up! SEVEN Little 6th graders who have MySpace and look like sluts,an act like whores go somewhere else because nobody wants you here. EIGHT If you have decided to read this, you are a true MySpace Friend. Real friends read their bulletins. NINE I say you go and pass this on and maybe it will finally get through people's brains TEN And if you open a bulletin and it says something like "repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost will rape your dog tonight," QUIT BEING A FUCKIN MORON This is a test to see how many people in your friends list actually pay attention to you.

1) Single, Taken, or Crushing? taken 2) Are you happy with where you are? for now 3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast? no 4) Have you ever had your heart broken? yup 5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok? YES 6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? nope 7) Have you talked about marriage with another person? nope, was forced into it 8) Do you want children? have 2 9) How many? 2 is too many 10) Would you consider adoption? I would let the rich bastard adopt me! oh you meant me adopt, maybe 11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know? tell me 12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get? nope 13) Do you want someone you cant have? yeah 14) Do you believe love at first sight exists? Yes 15) Do you believe in celebrating anniverseries? not really 16) Do you believe that you can change someone? nope never!!! 17) If you could get married anywhere, money's is not a problem, where would it be? grand caymens 18) Do you have feelings for someone right now? yep 19) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldnt? probably 20) Have you ever broken a heart? who hasn't? 21) Would you ever fight over your significant other? my husband no, boyfriend hell yes! 22) What would you say about your last ex? he was an ass