as i'm typin this i'm smokin a cigar and listening to daddys wild wood flower by raplh stanley
when my father past away in january that ended my military career for the time one year in, i had a dry spell of 6 months and i made my mind up to get back in uniform i missed it, i swore back in to my previous contract to finish it out 8 years and 10 months when i done my prior service physical
the doctor pulled me away after the screening and asked me as anything tragic happen in the past year or two i said ya i just lost both my parents she said its not that hard to tell its the facial expression you got and the way your head is tilted forward and your eyes look down they have that hollowed look i took a test she told me the results i was border line to having post traumatic stress disorder and the loss of my parents could be a factor
damn her since then especially in reclassing school i would wake up in cold sweat and the barracks would be ice cold i recall one night about the 4th of oct i relived the day my mom past away just seeing the student being called outta class in the exact clothing i was wearing what i was wore that day yellow hoodie and bluejeans and then i was told that my mom had just passed then i passed out there in the hall thats when i woke up.
when i went home to kentucky and back to my house i swore i heard my dad playing daddys wild wood flower on the back porch and like i was in a dazed i went to the backdoor and yelled dad guess whos home.. nothing was there just the chair and the studio he built in 11 months the feeling that mom and dad was there overpowered me that night i felt a hand on my shoulder it pressed down onto my shoulder like it was trying to turn me around.
before i left home i went and saw them i walked up thier graves and did a quick look and saw my aunts grave on the right and my dads close friend on the left then my parents in th middle. that was enough to bring me to my knees and i started to cry for 10 minutes my friends tryed to calm me down i just locked up laying in the middle of my mom and dads grave clinching the dirt...crying when i regained control i reached around my neck and pulled my dog tag chain till it broke and left my tags on thier grave one on each....
So i'm 20 years old and has PTSD with no one to tell
