There are many days that I sit and wonder why I am sad or why am I always blamed for everything when something goes wrong. Then at the end of the day it always as I'm the bad guy of it all. Every time I've dated, they always blame me when it goes wrong, and I just don't understand that part of it all. Every time it happens if you changed since we started dating or something of that note. I never asked for it to happen but raising 2 kids with no one to fall back on or lean on. But I will say that they kids are the best thing that has ever happen to me. They are my world and make me so happy. I know God had a plan when I was told at a young age that I would never have kids and I am very thankful for the 2 kids that I do have. It been 5 years since I've dated anyone, and it seems like my dating days are done and that there no more dating for me. My kids are my focus, and they will always be that way. But it seems as it will always be me to blame when something goes wrong in dating, and I wish it wasn't that way, but it seems so happy every time. I sometimes wonder are they scared to admit their own wrongs. I mean if they are scared to admit their own wrongs then why even try to date. It has happened so often and so much has happen that it always me to be blamed in the end. I just don't understand it but maybe one day things will be better and happier in life. Ever since I was a kid growing up, I have bottled my feeling up inside and till this day I still bottle them up inside until I end up snapping and then it all let out. Everyone claims to be my friend, but it sure doesn't seem like it here lately. Life hasn't been the kindest thing. But I am thankful for what family I do have in my life even if it just my dad and my 2 kids that's better than not having anyone at all to count on. Stress is enough to make you want to scream sometimes because it does often for me. I have been told to write my feeling down on how I feel about it all but it does no good because it dont seem normal to do it. Well that all for now have a wonderful night.
