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Stressed santa

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys >as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. > >Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. > >When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth >and two had jumped the fence and were out Heaven knows where. More stress. > >Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the >ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider >and a shot of rum. > >When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there >was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into >hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice >had eaten the straw end of the broom. > >Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there >was a little Angel with a great big Christmas tree. > >The Angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree >for you. Where would you like me to stick it?" > >And so began the tradition of the little Angel on top of the Christmas >tree. > >THE END.
: FIRST CHRISTMAS STORY OF THE SEASON First Christmas story of the season! A Christmas Story 'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list. Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I've busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear? The old lady bitches cause I work late at night. The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight. Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids. Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS. And just when I thought that things would get better Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter, They say I owe taxes--if that ain't funny Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money? And the kids these days--they all are the pits They want the impossible--Those mean little shits I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them, They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM! Flying through the air...dodging the trees Fa lling down chimneys and skinning my knees I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment. There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason, I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
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