underyourrule's blog: "random verse"

i see myself as i was wanting to be in the world as it breathes watching it all from afar so long i knew no other way in a world that has white walls and no door really leading anywhere used to yell at this fate when i did not know that i would live another day now i know all to true that their is to much time out there and i wish i could look once again at the white walls and despair never having gotten out of here. i see them now as only a comfort from the breathing that goes on the death that does not come the world that holds nothing that i want i wish for the peace that my old world held the chaos that is living i have no use i see that i am not but the ghost of myself not knowing not caring are a piece of myself i want back least then i was not looking over my shoulder for the hurt i did not sit and weep as much as i do now i did not know the care of human touch i did not know the nastiness of human touch either did not have this raging want to bury myself i was fine not being a part of the grand design. even as i raged this i know now. my innocence is lost so i am breathing now i see to much. it sucks that my room has this door leading out to torment now and i waste too much wishing for what was just uselessly wanting back the room with the door that goes no place.