The world is draining slowly,
I can see it in your eyes.
Dull-they’ve lost the sparkle they once held;
The sparkle I loved and loathed
Admired and despised.
No matter how loud you screamed
How hard you cried,
Your eyes were always diamond-dusted.
Probably out of spite.
Now, though, they’ve turned to stone
Holding not even a fleck of glitter.
I’m afraid you’ve given up
Before the fight really started.
Call it tragic-call it cliché
I thought you couldn’t leave.
No matter how loud I screamed
How hard I cried
You were there in the end.
I must have mistaken that
As meaning forever
Not just for now.
I must have inherited your silly assumptions along with
Your eyes
Nose
Hair
Smile.
Along with that comes the knowledge
That I can’t convince you to fight
When you’ve already surrendered.
No amount of words will make you see
It’s worth it.
You’re just as set in your ways [as I am] just as set in my ways as you.
I think when it comes down to it
What matters most is
I never knew you. (you never knew me.)
We’re strangers of 18 years.
There’s no going back now.
We’re too stubborn to fix it.
Things were never perfect with us -
I won’t pretend they were.
But I lived with the hope that they could be
Someday.
I’m not so sure I can handle knowing I was wrong
Yet again.
Insanity is spelled C-a-n-c-e-r.
And
Heartbreak, spelled I-n-o-p-e-r-a-b-l-e.
I can’t be the strong one this time.
I can’t pretend I’m alright.
I can’t hold everyone else together
When I’m about to break.
Please understand when you ask these things of me.
No, instead, this time I will be a baby (like I always should have been)
I will scream and I will cry
And I will curse God and everyone I love.
I will push them away in memorial to all the years
We pushed each other.
And I will break.
And I will be weak.
Because you won’t be here to tell me not to.
Something needs to be spoken aloud:
No matter what I said in the past
No matter how much I denied it,
I admire you.
I DO want to be just like you
And I’ll never stop trying.
I’m sorry I never told you that before now.
I hope you can forgive me.
You always said one day I’d have kids
And they’d act ten times worse than I did.
I hope that’s true.
And I hope they love me even half as much as I love[d] you.
