Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists
that Mr. Fenton go with her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the
shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to her from the store.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been
causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
behavior and may ban
both of you from our stores. We have documented all
incidents on our
video surveillance equipment. All complaints against
Mr. Fenton are
listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was
shopping in
Walmart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and
randomly put them in people's carts when they
weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in
House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to the restrooms
.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told
her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares ...
and watched what happened.
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to
put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in
if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.
8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help
him, he begins to cry and asks,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera;
used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department,
asked the clerk if he knows where to find the
antidepressants.
11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his
"Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And last, but not least ....
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly,
"There is no toilet paper in here!"